I’m always skeptical when my boyfriend says he’s a lumberjack.
There’s something about the way he cuts his hair every winter, how his checked flannel shirt hangs loose around his trunk and his thorny beard scratches my cheeks when we kiss—but I wouldn’t put roots down with anybody else.
Guy branched out into story writing to compensate for his wooden personality. This is his seventeenth 50-word story.
“I love to see a man cooking. It’s something sexy to see the pot being mixed and the vegetables added. The aroma is out of this world. Mind you, only a man could spice up a dish like that.”
“You’re some kind of sicko. I’d much rather see beef cooking.”
Connell went off cooking programs a long time ago, but unfortunately not food. Read more of his fractured words at paragraphplanet, home.wtd-magazine.com, and postcardshorts.com.
I wonder how many hearts you have broken.
I want to show you mine. A sparrow with a broken neck. I flew into your life like a bird into a window.
You told me I should have expected it.
You exit without remorse. I have enough for both of us.
Jeff Switt is a retired advertising agency guy who loves writing flash fiction—some days to curb his angst, other days to fuel it. His words have been featured at Dogzplot, Boston Literary Review, Flash Fiction World, and Nailpolish Stories and have appeared at lots of places that take whatever you send in.
“Ruff woof,” said Fido, wagging his tail, but Max just said, “Bad dog,” and put him out in the back yard, because Max didn’t understand the witty wordplay (barkplay?) Fido was using, which involved a canine equivalent of something like “putting the ‘toy’ in ‘toilet’,” and was really very clever.
“Grapplin’ hooks, skeleton keys, guard uniforms… I got everythin’ you need, man.”
“You charge a lot, Skivvy.”
“It ain’t easy to get stuff like this into my cell.”
“But let me tell you, gettin’ nabbed for murder’s the most profitable thing I ever done. I’m makin’ a killing!”
“Ok, let’s work on your quick, short punches and your wordplay. You’re going to be the best boxing comedian there’s ever been!”
Gurpreet paused. “I don’t know,” he said. “I’m not sure I can ever be stronger and wittier than Youssef.”
“Nonsense,” cried his trainer. “He’s good, but you’re Punjabi.”
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“I never expected to broadcast from a place like this! I’m standing amid chaos, and I can’t help but wonder if we, as a nation, have made a mistake in creating this Ministry of Wordplay.
“I’ve been dodging portmanteaus and malapropisms all afternoon! It’s complete pundemonium in here!”