“I’ve become more powerful than you will ever be able to imagine!”
“That doesn’t even make sense.”
“Can you imagine telepathy?”
“Yes.”
“Oh. Telekinesis?”
“Yes.”
“What about telepyrokinesis?”
Ever since being struck by lightning at the anime convention, Todd had been getting on a lot of people’s nerves.
“I can play guitar and trombone!”
“Ah, shaddup. I’ve learned and forgotten how to play more instruments than you know exist!”
“Like what?”
“Like Icelandic, Zulu, Narau…”
“Those aren’t instruments; they’re languages.”
“Languages? I’ve learned and forgotten how to speak more languages than you know exist! Like sitar, zither, didgeridoo…”
“Gennardy Tranctorblade, Julioust Dunyarctle, Crandulon Unctiferal, Yip Yip Doodle Tok, Fkaisl Ipsidav, Hourly Ablutions, Wreltstle Jujjax, and Michael.
“You have all been found guilty of Second-Degree Hookie (The Playing Thereof), and will be sentenced to mandatory summer school.
“Except Crandulon Unctiferal. He, like all repeat offenders, gets the firing squad.”
This story was based on a call on Twitter for the first five words of a story. @Honestlyspeakin provided the words, “Levilia’s wings started to burn”.
Levilia’s wings started to burn, sizzling and melting. Wind rushed past her face, ruffling her feathers but doing little to quench the flames.
“You can’t blow it out!” cried Natasha. “Use the fire extinguisher!”
There was a blast of compressed carbon dioxide. Levilia the self-immolating budgie cheeped in satisfied agony.
This story was based on a call on Twitter for the first five words of a story. @jc_sharp provided “The infestation came fast, Zombies”.
The infestation came fast, Zombies News reported. Peaceful settlements were raided during the day by human soldiers wielding needle guns. Those struck with the poisoned needles gradually lost their zombinity, reverting to their lesser human forms. Those that were not kidnapped by the human infesters have been gathered in quarantine.
“I ate a bumblebee.”
“Why did you do that?”
“Because I wanted to feel it buzz around inside my belly!”
“And can you feel it?”
“Nope.”
“Well that’s too bad.”
“I figure it’s just bored in there.”
“Oh?”
“That’s why I’m going to swallow another one to be its friend.”
“‘Let’s go to the beach,’ you said! ‘Let’s go for a walk on the sand with baby Timmy,’ you said! ‘Let’s dress like giant crabs and pretend to kidnap him and take him to a magical underwater utopia full of laughter and song,’ you said! ‘He’ll enjoy it,’ you said…”
A man walked up to me in the park today and asked, “Are you eating that?”
I was confused. I wasn’t eating anything. I turned to him and said, “No.”
He promptly took a large bite out of my upper thigh and walked away.
I wish I had said “Yes.”
This guest story comes from Dave Eves, a soon-to-graduate film student and independent filmmaker.
“We’re going blue!”
“I’m taking sniper!”
“Round’s starting!”
“Rush left! Go go go!”
“Scout behind us!”
“I have the flag! Need a medic!”
“Boom! Headshot! Owned!”
“That’s the round, boys!”
Assailed by fatigue and feeling the effects of a rolling series of sugar highs, the bloodshot, beer-soaked digital warriors persevered.
Heaven sighed.
She said, “Everything I do… I do it for you. Straight from the heart.”
So far, so good, he thought.
“Do I have to say the words? There’s somebody else. Please forgive me. This time it’s only love.”
He cried, “It cuts like a knife!”
They were soulmates.
Editor: There are eight song titles and one album title in this story. Can you identify them all? And do you know which musician performed the album?