TIM SEVENHUYSEN: One Third of a Hat, and Half a Pair of Shoes

Artistic, Poetry, , , , , , , , , ,

There was a man at the corner with one third of a hat and half a pair of shoes. I offered him my boots. He sold them to a homeless guy for ten bucks and gave the money to a woman at a bus stop.

I really liked those boots…

Alternate Version:
He stood there on the corner, with tattered hat and coat. His backpack overflowed with toys that he was handing out.

His shoes were only halfers: they covered just his heels. I offered mine, but he declined, ungrateful little eel.

He made me feel guilty, and guilt is not genteel.

This story, and the supplementary poem, were inspired by a title suggested by @hexapodium.

I Want To Eat My Flatmate

Amusing, Poetry, , , ,

I want to eat my flatmate
I think he knows it, too
He watches me suspiciously
Whenever we buy food

It’s happening tomorrow
I’m going to boil his head
Wait: is this a man-shaped pan
Hidden beneath his bed?

I want to eat my flatmate
He may eat me instead

This story/poem is based on a title suggested by @big_poppa_G.

Adaptable Relationship

Amusing, Touching, , , , ,

“Oh man, I am in so much trouble,” he gasped.

He thought he’d slept in past his wedding ceremony. It was the worst feeling of his life.

“Don’t worry,” said his fiancée when he called her. “You didn’t ruin the wedding. I found a replacement groom. You’re off the hook.”

J DIANNE WAYE: Unconditionally Yours

Artistic, Poetry, Submissions, , , , ,

You tell me that I’ve changed,
My priorities rearranged.
Did you ever really know me
At all?

It’s been a long time
Since you swept me off my feet.
But I won’t admit defeat.
I have faith enough for both of us.
That’s the one thing that’s never changed
At all.

J Dianne Waye found a link to Fifty-Word Stories on Kelley Armstrong’s writing forum. She isn’t the first to submit a story because of that link, and hopefully she won’t be the last!

Nuts Are Lame

Odd, , , , , , ,

Chocolate brownies are delightful. But not with nuts in them.

Chewy cookies are delightful. But not with nuts in them.

Insane asylums are delightful. But not with nuts in them.

Exploding fireworks are delightful. But not with nuts in them.

Repetitive statements are delightful. But not with nuts in them.

Unfashionably Late

Amusing, , , , , ,

She’d planned to make the most dramatic appearance of all time, bigger than Blücher at the Battle of Waterloo, bigger than Santa on Christmas Eve, bigger than Uncle Joe at her 18th birthday.

But she was a full day late.

When teleporting onto a moving ship, that’s a significant problem.

The Thirteenth Day of Christmas

Amusing, , , , , ,

On the thirteenth day of Christmas, her true love gave her thirteen feral children.

He intended  to adopt them into a loving, nurturing home, but having been raised from infancy by lions, they were just too far gone.

She ended up with five drummers, two ladies, and a turtle dove.

Spontaneity is the Spice of Love

Artistic, Odd, , , , , , ,

After being married for thirty years he thought he’d pretty much figured her out, but when she came home with a baby crocodile for Christmas he realized she was as beautifully, wonderfully mysterious to him now as she always had been, which wasn’t much consolation when it ate the dog.

CHRISTIAN BLUNSCHI: A Pity

Artistic, Submissions, , , , ,

In all of the world there had never been another one like it.

It was magnificent.

It would cure world hunger.

It would bring peace.

It would make humankind safe forever.

A pity that it was in the jacket pocket with the hole as he passed by the open sewer.

Christian doesn’t normally write, but he has some artwork at http://chrigeloz.deviantart.com.

Falcon Midnight and the Treachery

Artistic, , , , , ,

Captain Falcon Midnight activated the intercom. “Ignore the klaxon,” she told the passengers. “It’s faulty wiring.”

“You’re not telling them about the space pirates?” asked first mate Michael Firefist.

“Don’t want them to panic,” said Midnight.

“Fine,” said Firefist, jabbing her with his space taser.

Then he dropped the shields.

Today’s story was based on character names provided by @MisterFiendZero and @danzama.