Tag Archives: groaner

JOHN H. DROMEY: Business as Usual

Amusing, Puns and Wordplay, Submissions, , , , ,

“I hear the company you work for is run on clichés.”

“Yes, like clockwork.”

“Can you give me an example?”

“Well, when the head honcho quit, he left big shoes to fill.”

“So?”

“Members of the Board of Directors are looking for a replacement. They’ve scheduled an interview with Sasquatch.”

John H. Dromey hopes he’s not a walking, talking cliché. To avoid giving that impression, he spends a lot of time sitting down.

Editor: Speaking personally, the slight delay in me “getting it” increased the groan size. Your mileage may vary.

LEE NICHOLAS: A Sweet Heist

Amusing, Puns and Wordplay, Submissions, , ,

“Right then,” said Lieutenant Nougat of Chocolatetown Police. “Can you describe the robbers?”

“Y-yes,” faltered Mrs Rum-Truffle, the bank manager. “They were big and b-blocky, very tough, dense, and c-cold. Oh, so cold.”

Lieutenant Nougat got on the radio. “Attention all units – be on the lookout for two hardened caramels.”

Lee Nicholas likes to describe himself in just 15 words, which can sometimes lead to.

DEREK McMILLAN: Childcare

Amusing, Submissions, , ,

Tom was a very badly behaved lad. Dick was frankly a demon. Their parents were careful to keep quiet when they were in the cradle.

Harry’s parents were forever playing their Rod Stewart records. He was a very well-balanced child.

Perhaps if you spare the Rod you spoil the child.

Derek McMillan is a writer in Durringon in the UK. His editor is his wife, Angela. He has written for print and online publications in the UK, USA and Canada. His latest book is the audio-book Brevity which is available on eBay. Check it out.

JOHN H. DROMEY: Ragtag Response

Amusing, Submissions, , , ,

During an energetic practice session in preparation for a lumberjack contest, Angus Macgregor accidently ripped his favorite shirt.

The distraught logger sought the help of a seamstress.

“I need you to mend my lucky shirt, Maisy.”

“Sorry, Angus. I can’t help you.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t have any plaid thread.”

John H. Dromey has recently had speculative poems (scifaiku) published in Star*Line and Eye to the Telescope.

DAVID SILVER: Beastly for Grandpa

Amusing, Puns and Wordplay, Submissions, ,

Grandpa was fit but he was convinced he was a wildebeest. Every day he galloped through the cobbled streets, imagining he was making his annual migration through East Africa. Today, Grandpa would have been diagnosed as zoanthropic and would receive psychiatric help. But back in the old days, who gnu?

David Silver was a reporter, sub-editor, and humour columnist on various newspapers in Greater Manchester, England. He retired in 2002 and from 2011-2016 wrote a light-hearted column for The Courier, a weekly newspaper for UK expatriates in Spain.

LEE HAMMERSCHMIDT: Un-enlightened One

Amusing, Puns and Wordplay, Submissions, , ,

“You must control your anger,” Master Zhan said to the surly monk. “Bickering must stop. Let’s refresh your meditation techniques.

“Yes, Master,” Flan said.

“Close your eyes, breathe, and say… ohm.”

“Arrrrrmmm,” Flan growled.

“No, ohm.”

“Grrrrrmmm.”

“Ohm.”

“Errrrmm,” Flan gargled. “It’s hopeless. I can’t find my way ohm.”

Lee Hammerschmidt is a Visual Artist/Writer/Troubadour. He is the author of the short story collections, A Hole Of My Own, It’s Noir O’clock Somewhere, For Richer or Noirer, and Flash Wounds. Check out his hit parade on YouTube!

JOHN H DROMEY: Verbal Directions

Amusing, Puns and Wordplay, Submissions, , ,

“This concludes the press tour of the Acme manufacturing plant. Any questions you may have about our transoceanic supply chain should be directed to Lucille in shipping and receiving. She’s the one with a voice-activated computer.”

“Can you give us a brief job description for her?”

“Lu’s lips sync ships.”

John H. Dromey’s short stories have appeared in Mystery Magazine and numerous other publications.

JOHN H. DROMEY: A Precautionary Tale

Amusing, Puns and Wordplay, Submissions, ,

Bank robbers found themselves fleeing the scene of their crime on foot.

“What was our getaway driver thinking? His car has a rundown battery!”

“He’s probably laying the groundwork for his defense in case we’re caught. He’ll hope to receive a reduced sentence by pleading guilty to a lesser charge.”

John H. Dromey has a short story in the August 2021 issue of Mystery Weekly Magazine.

JOHN H DROMEY: Overkill

Amusing, Puns and Wordplay, Submissions, , ,

“If he hopes to hold on to his title, our newly-appointed chief of police really needs to get his priorities straight.”

“Why? What did he do?”

“His first day on the job, he found a housefly in his office. Rather than handle it himself, he called for a S.W.A.T. team.”

John H. Dromey’s short fiction’s been published in Mystery Weekly Magazine and over 150 other venues.