“Three months a castaway on a remote Pacific island, struggling to survive, when a crate washes ashore. The language is Chinese but it’s obviously beer. My luck is finally turning, he thinks. He glugs it down.

On the side of the bottle, written in Mandarin: “The best-tasting non-alcoholic beer ever!”

Bill is from Aberdeen, Scotland. He writes for fun, but really wouldn’t object if someone wants to pay him a shed-load of cash to carry on, or a shed-load of cash to stop now. Both work for him.