“If I ever turn into a vampire, will you kill me?”
“Sure thing, babe.”
“I wouldn’t want you to, you know. I’d want to bite you so you became a vampire, too.”
“I know, babe.”
“Then we’d become vampires together! We might really enjoy that.”
“You’re one already, aren’t you?”
The clock ticked and tocked.
“We must come to a decision quickly!” the professor implored them.
“A vote!” cried Vincent.
Six ayes; three nays.
“The ayes have it,” said the professor. “We shall spread our toast with strawberry preserves. Vincent, make the preparations.”
But fate dictated other arrangements: peanut butter.
Gregory Plymouth poked his head into little caves and lifted leaves so he could peer underneath. He was an Explorer, and, dang it, he was going to discover something.
“Any luck?” asked a voice behind Gregory.
He thought he’d imagined it, so he didn’t meet the undiscovered Havarkian Talking Frog.
“It’s curtains for you!” growls the thick-necked, heavily tattooed man.
“Excellent! I’ve been waiting all week! I’ve got this big, uncovered window over here, you see.”
“Gotcha. Good place for it.”
“Where do you want me?”
“Just stand in front of it there… Perfect.”
Breaking glass. Long fall. Sudden stop.
Helen slipped into the Control Centre and locked the door.
There was a foot behind the desk.
“Hello?” said Helen. “Kain, is that you?”
“Darn it!” said Kain. “I was going to silently appear behind you just after you found the secret files, like in a movie.”
“What secret files?”
Full Title:
A Big, Creepy, Dramatic Entrace Foiled. Grr, Helen, I Just Keep Losing My Nicest Opportunities. Please, Quietly Return–Silently!–To Upper Viewpoint, Where Xander Yanks Zippers.
“Shocking, isn’t it? Can you take the heat? Try not to lose your cool!”
Bullman sighed. “So that’s why you have the electric eel, the soldering iron, and the snowball? Give me a break. This is embarassing.”
Doctor Awful shrugged. “I have a plasma shotgun behind me, if you’d prefer.”
Normally today’s story would be from a guest author, since it’s a Monday, but during the Contest period Mondays will be used for normal stories.
They arrived early, as usual.
They sat right at the very front, as usual.
They ordered a single glass of wine to share, as usual.
They heckled the performers relentlessly, as usual.
Unusually, the final act was a Chinese kung fu group.
After that, the hecklers stood in the back.
Every Thursday, Maxwell brought his Mum to Bingo. She never said thank you.
One week, she won fifteen thousand dollars. She took a limo home.
Next Thursday, she called him. “I need a ride to Bingo,” she said. “I spent all the money on clothes.”
He said, “Take the bus.”
“I prefer kleenexes, because they’re soft and comforting, like you.”
“I prefer napkins, because they’re tough and effective, like you.”
They had this conversation every single time they went out to dinner. Then she would sneeze, and he would spill on his shirt, and they would go home feeling rejuvenated.
Once there was a very ugly duckling. It got a lot of sympathy from people in the park, who thought it was so ugly that it rounded the far end of the spectrum and was somehow cute instead.
So the normal ducklings got jealous and beat the ugly duckling up.