“Lights! Camera! Action!”
“Tamara, I’m not very good with words, but I guess what I’m trying to say is… Will you marry me?”
Tamara blushed convincingly. “Really?” she said. “Yes, of course!”
They kissed.
“That’s not how the script goes!” said the director. “Oh, I get it. Congratulations, you two.”
“I think I dropped it over here somewhere. It might’ve rolled under something.”
“You should be more careful.”
“I’m sorry! I don’t know how it happened!”
“You’re so absentminded… What did you lose this time, anyways?”
“My brain.”
“What? Are you out of your mind!?”
“No, it’s out of me!”
Crowded around the flickering television, they watched in rapt anticipation. Desire swelled in their chests; hope waxed and waned with every advancement of the ball.
Now, victory was at hand.
Now, all was lost.
Minutes remained; then Hooray! It was over!
The home team had lost; let the rioting begin!
“Harold, there’s a gorilla in the walk-in closet!”
“I find that highly unlikely!” said Harold.
“It’s a silverback! It’s grabbing my hair!”
“Don’t tell fibs!” said Harold.
“Ow, my arm! It’s hitting me!”
“Oh wait,” said Harold. He grabbed a dart gun. “Sorry, I was reading the insurance policy wrong.”
Twelve days had passed since my enemies’ arrival, each day spent cowering in fear under a mossy overhang as projectiles exploded left and right. Brokenness and waste were all around me.
Today, I would fight back. I felt my weapon’s comforting heft, stepped out, and soaked my cousin so bad.
Wind rushed past his face.
There was an itchy spot on the back of his neck. He scratched at it absentmindedly.
Meanwhile, there was an itchy spot on his elbow. He scratched at it absentmindedly.
Meanwhile, there was an itchy spot on his back, underneath his parachute.
Oh yeah. Parachute.
Time passes slowly in a vacuum. Everything is still and silent. You are surrounded by nothingness. It is, unsurprisingly, difficult to breathe.
Boredom, depression, hunger, and asphyxiation vie for power over you, fighting to see which will kill you first.
One should avoid living in a vacuum. Hoovers especially suck.
The cow jumped over the moon.
The rabbit, which had a raging teenager-style crush on the cow, tried to follow. Unfortunately, the rabbit overshot its target and jumped over the sun instead.
They both landed in the ocean. Neither one survived. It was horribly depressing.
“It’s too late, Joe. I give up.”
“Come on, Terry, we still have to try!”
“I can’t. It’s over.”
“Well I’m not giving up so easily.”
“Then you’re on your own, buddy.”
“Fine! I’ll eat the rest of this chocolate cake if I have to suck it through a straw!”
King Goliath was proud and haughty. He ruled over Grenwald, the largest kingdom in the land. One day he was feeling so proud that he said, “If anyone can prove they are mightier than I am, I will give them my kingdom.”
These days Grenwald is ruled by a Queen.