“Our customer service is our greatest asset!” Rosco explained to the customer.
“That’s sort of a… strange slogan for a toilet paper wholesaler,” the woman suggested hesitantly.
“We don’t wipe your bottoms for you or anything,” Rosco clarified.
She looked relieved.
He added, “But we do offer complimentary instructional videoconferencing!”
“Hello, my friend!” twinkled Sir William Glowingsmile. “How are we this fine evening?”
Captain Scowlyface glared at the pompous fancypants so sourly that Glowingsmile turned around and took a swig of mouthwash.
“I see,” Sir William continued. “And your wife?”
Captain Scowlyface frowned so menacingly that Glowingsmile’s toupee fell off.
“Tonight we shall incur the esteem of our ancestors!” bellowed King Tawnyfeathers as his eager army growled in anticipation.
But his heart wasn’t in this fight. He wished he were lying in his garden, gazing at the clouds, interred in the earth he had cultivated.
Ah, to be a potato…
This story was based on a title suggestion by Claire Martin via Facebook.
He knew it was a blessing to be special, to stand out, but sometimes it could be very isolating. Though surrounded by a sea of people, he felt alone, like a cabbage in a field of lettuce.
Plus this old Ukrainian lady kept trying to make soup out of him.
This story is based on a title suggested by @KatieInTheAttic.
Every night, Reginald tossed and turned in his bed, covering his ears with his pillow, but the slurping and sipping and smacking just wouldn’t stop.
He never said anything, though; the rent was too good to risk a conflict.
He eventually began to wonder about all the “Missing Pet” posters.
This story was based on a title suggested by @ugotpauld.
She shrieked as a horrible, misshapen little creature squirmed out of her grocery bag and flopped itself, half-formed lungs heaving, onto the floor.
Kill it! cried her husband, but pity stayed her hand.
A bond formed between them,
and though it was built on only moments,
it lasted;
it remained.
This story was based on a title suggested by @vxicepickxv.
“Oh no!” cried Granny Gramgrams as she watched the weather channel. “If it rains on Saturday, it’ll completely spoil the holiday picnic!”
“Don’t worry,” Sonny confidently assured her. “With my gigantic turbo fan, I can blow all the clouds away.”
That weekend, Sonny’s fan pushed Earth into an irregular orbit.
This story was based on a title suggested by Larissa Thiessen.
She had a burning but unrequited love. The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, so she transformed herself into a microorganism and crawled up his intestines.
She discovered some deep fried fig newtons in there, which intensified her affections.
She lived in his heart until he died.
Based on a title suggested by Dan Hingston via Facebook.
The care-free matador brought work home with him, dodging bulls by night and sidestepping commitments and responsibilities by day.
The stolid yodeler brought work home with her, bellowing music by day and shouting judgments and criticisms by night.
He reminded her of a song.
She reminded him of a cow.
This story is based on a title created by my sister, Lisa, while playing a microfiction party game that I will share via this site at some point in the future.
There are 50 unitalicized words in this story, not including line numbers. The italicized words are instructions: you may choose one option and go to the appropriate line to continue your adventure!
Have fun!
1.You’re in a boat.
Line 2: Jump out.
Line 3: Eat lunch.
Line 4: Raise pirate flag.
2. You’re swimming.
Line 1: Get in the boat.
Line 5: Eat lunch.
Line 6: Dive.
3. Yum! Now you’re full.
Go to Line 1.
4. You’re in a fearsome pirate boat.
Line 2: Jump out.
Line 7: Attack a freighter.
5. Soggy food! Yuck.
Go to Line 2.
6. You’re on the ocean floor.
Line 2: Swim upwards.
Line 8: Attack a freighter.
Line 9: Explore.
7. A lubber lops off your hand.
Line 10: Staunch the bleeding.
Line 11: Shoot the lubber.
8. You are chopped up by the freighter’s propeller.
The End
9. You drown.
The End
10. While bandaging yourself, you are shot.
The End
11. You bleed to death.
The End