“I reckon you best be moseyin’ off now, son,” drawled the drawling old cowboy.
“Well aren’t we Mr. McDrawlyPants?” snivelled the snivelling little sniveller.
“Ker-Bang!” shot the shooty six-shooter.
“You brought it on yerself,” grunted the grunting, grumpy cowboy.
“Ow, my chest cavity really huuuuurts…” whined the whiny, dying whiner.
I’m trying out a new way to write dialogue. I think it has promise!
We were waiting patiently in our seats while the mindless horde swarmed the lobby, looking for refreshments.
Fools!
Everyone knew theatre food was inadmissably overpriced. And that was why we did it. It didn’t give me any pleasure, but it was necessary.
Candy smuggling? How juvenile. We only trafficked in
I thought it might be fun to write something topical about the Olympics, since I just watched the Opening Ceremonies. I like adding a twist to things, so I considered writing about the Super Hero Olympics, possibly making a “Human Torch” joke.
But I realized that wouldn’t be very funny.
It had been Saturday for over twenty-three hours, and Georgia was beginning to Freak. Out.
What if Sunday never came? What if she was stuck in an ever-elongating, never-ending, self-perpetuating Saturday?
Suddenly, the clock stopped.
It stayed stopped.
And then it started again.
Georgia had no idea what that meant.
Disclaimer: No, it doesn’t make any sense. It really is Saturday today, though.
“How long do you think it’s been since the waitress last stopped by our table?”
“I dunno. Twelve minutes?”
“Wrong. Try nineteen.”
“Wow, really? Nineteen minutes?”
“Nope. Try thirty-seven.”
“It definitely hasn’t been thirty-seven minutes.”
“True. You don’t have to keep guessing the numbers I’m suggesting.”
“…I hate this game.”
“Taco chips taste just about as exciting as being in Mexico would be.”
“That is a ridiculous statement,” said Angie.
“I don’t think so,” said Alice. “I’ve been to Mexico, and it wasn’t very exciting.”
“This is probably the lamest conversation I have ever transcribed,” said Harold Garfinkel, the ethnomethodologist.
The big grey wolf was very lonely, but its howling scared away all of the other woodland creatures.
One day it came across a chubby little baby bunny, which had gotten lost after a farmer killed its family.
The bunny and the wolf became BFFs. No one got eaten. Yay!
Valerie the vegan decided to spend a week eating nothing but baby carrots and drinking nothing but water.
After one day she felt funny.
After three days she felt strange.
After five days she felt weird.
After seven days she felt… orange.
That evening, while she was sleeping, she sprouted.
Claude and Clod watched as the farmer scraped the floors of the barn with the tractor and pushed the manure into a pit.
“He looks sick,” mooed Claude. “Think his milk has gone sour?”
“Don’t try to assign a cow’s traits to a human,” mooed Clod. “That’s just plain foolishness.”
“What do you think would happen if a yodeler got turned into a zombie? Would it cry for our brains with yodels?”
“…No.”
“Ok, stupid question, fair enough. Oh man, you know what would be really freaky, though? Zombified birds. Because they could fly.”
Sometimes I really hate my friends.
@DashP responded to a request for two nouns and a verb with the words “zombie”, “yodels”, and “fly”.