Cliven followed the zombie dragon and the pudgy princess until they finally alighted on a rooftop.
“Nogard!” cried Cliven. “Come down! Please don’t hurt her!”
Nogard shook his head playfully, turned, and very gently nipped Emeldatine on the shoulder.
The princess started to cry.
Then she turned very, very pale.
“It’s curtains for you!” growls the thick-necked, heavily tattooed man.
“Excellent! I’ve been waiting all week! I’ve got this big, uncovered window over here, you see.”
“Gotcha. Good place for it.”
“Where do you want me?”
“Just stand in front of it there… Perfect.”
Breaking glass. Long fall. Sudden stop.
Helen slipped into the Control Centre and locked the door.
There was a foot behind the desk.
“Hello?” said Helen. “Kain, is that you?”
“Darn it!” said Kain. “I was going to silently appear behind you just after you found the secret files, like in a movie.”
“What secret files?”
Full Title:
A Big, Creepy, Dramatic Entrace Foiled. Grr, Helen, I Just Keep Losing My Nicest Opportunities. Please, Quietly Return–Silently!–To Upper Viewpoint, Where Xander Yanks Zippers.
“Can anyone tell me what illegal means?” Miss Flannerty asked with a very serious expression on her face.
Billy and Bobby and Suzie said it meant bad and wrong and against the law.
“Those are good answers,” said Miss Flannerty, “but it really means ‘don’t tell anyone about it’. Deal?”
“Shocking, isn’t it? Can you take the heat? Try not to lose your cool!”
Bullman sighed. “So that’s why you have the electric eel, the soldering iron, and the snowball? Give me a break. This is embarassing.”
Doctor Awful shrugged. “I have a plasma shotgun behind me, if you’d prefer.”
Normally today’s story would be from a guest author, since it’s a Monday, but during the Contest period Mondays will be used for normal stories.
Timothy Thicke peered through the binoculars, watching as Evan Edgelow lobbed a smoke grenade. He paused a moment to wipe condensation off the binocular lenses.
When he looked back, Edgelow was gone.
“Mission accomplished,” Edgelow whispered from beside him.
“How do you do that?!” Thicke asked, amazed.
“Optical illusions, mostly.”
They arrived early, as usual.
They sat right at the very front, as usual.
They ordered a single glass of wine to share, as usual.
They heckled the performers relentlessly, as usual.
Unusually, the final act was a Chinese kung fu group.
After that, the hecklers stood in the back.
A song on the radio triggered. She knew immediately that she had a destiny.
She quit her job, hitch-hiked to Vegas, and spent three days wandering aimlessly, waiting for a sign.
The cute waiter who served her fettucine asked her why she was eating alone.
They lived happily ever after.
Every Thursday, Maxwell brought his Mum to Bingo. She never said thank you.
One week, she won fifteen thousand dollars. She took a limo home.
Next Thursday, she called him. “I need a ride to Bingo,” she said. “I spent all the money on clothes.”
He said, “Take the bus.”
“I prefer kleenexes, because they’re soft and comforting, like you.”
“I prefer napkins, because they’re tough and effective, like you.”
They had this conversation every single time they went out to dinner. Then she would sneeze, and he would spill on his shirt, and they would go home feeling rejuvenated.