Not Patronized by the Over-Surgerized

Amusing, , , , , ,

“It’s barbaric!” she shrilled, her artificially smoothened, partially atrophied face stiff with a show of haughty dismay. “The thought of consuming such a creature!”

The manager watched the woman wobble out on four-inch heels.

“The octopus offended her,” he whispered to the chef. “With her looks, it must’ve seemed cannibalistic.”

This story was based on a request for prompts in the form of three adjectives beginning with the letters A, B, and C. The adjectives atrophied, barbaric, and cannibalistic, were provided by @keab42.

Field Work

Puns and Wordplay, , , , , , , ,

Ploughing, seeding, threshing, baling…

To Farmer Bucket, the unceasing cycle felt like being caught in a tumble dryer that reeked of diesel and hay.

But once a month, he went to the coffee shop and people-watched, gathering observations for his research.

Farmer Bucket was very passionate about his field work.

Elementary, My Dear Watson

Puns and Wordplay, , ,

“What portion of his schooling is your young son attending, Holmes?

“How would you describe hydrogen, oxygen, and carbon, Holmes?

“What do you call it when men shaped liked the letter preceding ‘M’ linger after an event, Holmes?”

After many years, Watson had grown very tired of Sherlock Holmes’ catchphrase.

This story is based on a title suggested by Matthew Ryper via Facebook.

The Matador and the Yodeler

Amusing, Odd, , , , , ,

The care-free matador brought work home with him, dodging bulls by night and sidestepping commitments and responsibilities by day.

The stolid yodeler brought work home with her, bellowing music by day and shouting judgments and criticisms by night.

He reminded her of a song.

She reminded him of a cow.

This story is based on a title created by my sister, Lisa, while playing a microfiction party game that I will share via this site at some point in the future.

NANCY A. CAVANAUGH: Happy Endings?

Artistic, Submissions, Touching, ,

Molly slipped into the icy water, her eyes closing with a steely resolve.

No more would they bully or call her names. She’d had enough.

A note and her diary sat on the counter.

Her parents turned her sad tale into a bestselling novel. It’s true: money heals all wounds.

Nancy A. Cavanaugh is a freelance writer living in Keene, NH. You can read her flash and micro fiction at myflashywords.blogspot.com.

BONUS: Choose Your Own Adventure – You’re in a Boat

Odd, , , , , , ,

There are 50 unitalicized words in this story, not including line numbers. The italicized words are instructions: you may choose one option and go to the appropriate line to continue your adventure!

Have fun!

1.You’re in a boat.

Line 2: Jump out.
Line 3: Eat lunch.
Line 4: Raise pirate flag.

2. You’re swimming.

Line 1: Get in the boat.
Line 5: Eat lunch.
Line 6: Dive.

3. Yum! Now you’re full.

Go to Line 1.

4. You’re in a fearsome pirate boat.

Line 2: Jump out.
Line 7: Attack a freighter.

5. Soggy food! Yuck.

Go to Line 2.

6. You’re on the ocean floor.

Line 2: Swim upwards.
Line 8: Attack a freighter.
Line 9: Explore.

7. A lubber lops off your hand.

Line 10: Staunch the bleeding.
Line 11: Shoot the lubber.

8. You are chopped up by the freighter’s propeller.

The End

9. You drown.

The End

10. While bandaging yourself, you are shot.

The End

11. You bleed to death.

The End

The Flee Market

Amusing, Puns and Wordplay, , , , , ,

“Grapplin’ hooks, skeleton keys, guard uniforms… I got everythin’ you need, man.”

“You charge a lot, Skivvy.”

“It ain’t easy to get stuff like this into my cell.”

“True dat.”

“But let me tell you, gettin’ nabbed for murder’s the most profitable thing I ever done. I’m makin’ a killing!”

NEWS: Site Features and More Social Media

News, , , , , , ,

I’ve been tinkering with various elements of the site over the past week or so, as you may have noticed. A few new social media tools are available on the site, so you can more conveniently tweet your favourite stories or share them on Facebook or StumbleUpon. The more you share, Like, tweet, or comment on stories, the more other people will take notice, so I really appreciate it.

I’ve also created an official Fifty-Word Stories fan page on Facebook, so you can get site updates and participate in calls for story prompts or any future contests in more ways. Head over and “Like” the page to get the updates and share the site with your friends.

Finally, I created a Top Stories page that lists the 50 highest rated stories that have ever been posted on the site. The tab in the sidebar only shows 10 stories, and only includes stories written in the past year, so I figured this would be a good chance to expose readers to popular stories from before they found the site. I hope you enjoy this feature and work to get your favourite stories voted up the list!

The Apple and the Pear

Artistic, Touching, , ,

An apple and a pear fell in love.

They knew it was unusual, but they wanted to make it work, and the wise old hummingbird knew how they could.

They scattered their seeds all around the orchard, and when the trees grew they grafted branches onto one another and lived forever.

Bourbon For Breakfast

Amusing, Odd, , , , , , , , ,

He’d killed his first outlaw after drinking bourbon for breakfast; it had become part of his routine.

For similar reasons, he drank saké for supper and lemonade for lunch, though he didn’t much advertise the latter.

One time he swallowed mud at midnight, so he let the train robbers go.

This story is based on a title suggested by the ever profuse @MisterFiendZero.