Tag Archives: eyes

Correlation Does Not Imply Causation

When he got his Visa bill, his eyes popped out of his skull.

They literally fell right out. We aren’t sure if something on the bill caused it, or if the two events were unrelated. All we know is that his eyeballs ended up on the floor.

It was gross.

They Taste Like Bitter Grapes

Randy burst through the door. “Mandy, do you only love me for my money?!”

Mandy looked up from her fashion magazine, startled. “What? No! Honey! I love you for your… well, for your eyes!”

Randy sank into his chair stuffed with hundred-dollar bills. “Oh, phew.”

Mandy gripped her eye-socket spoon.


Two glowing eyes peered at me from the shadows: wolves.

I blinked, and there were four eyes. Then six. Then ten.

Then… Thirteen?

I did a quick recount. Thirteen? That didn’t make sense. Had one lost an eye in a fight?

Ah, it had just been winking. I winked back.

Hello, Grandmother

“Grandmother, what big eyes you have!” said Little Red Riding Hood.

“The better to see you with, my dear,” said Grandmother.

“And what a big nose you have!”

“The better to smell you with, my dear.”

“And what big teeth!”

“Fusspots,” muttered Grandmother.  “I put in your grandfather’s dentures again.”