A dog fell in a hole. The hole was very deep.
“Help! Help!” cried the dog.
“I will help you,” said a cat. It reached into the hole, but the dog barked and frightened it away.
It never pays to be mean to cute kitties. Kitties are great. Yay kitties!
Category Archives: Amusing
Work Action
“And so we have decided to form the Union of General Labourers,” Sarah declared.
“Ha!” scoffed her boss. “What leverage do you think you’ll have? Are you going to threaten a work stoppage? That would hurt you more than it would hurt me! Good luck keeping all those babies in!”
WENDY SCHMIDT: Eye Witness
“This is the dumbest thing you’ve ever done.”
“I’m just gonna take a look. Do you hear something?”
“Yeah, your brain dropping out of your head. Come on, let’s call the cops.”
“The cops won’t come in time.”
“For what?”
“To stop me from killing you.”
“Ha, very funny. Wait…”
Wendy Schmidt is a Wisconsin native who has written short stories and poems for the last 10 years. Her poetry and short stories have been published in Strange, Weird and Wonderful, Daily Love, Three Line Poetry, Tainted Tea, Fear and Trembling, and Midwest Literary Magazine.
The Prince and the Tree Giant
“Clippity clop” went the horses’ hooves as they pulled the prince’s chariot along the forest path.
“No way!” said Milly.
“What now?” asked Dad.
“Horse hooves only go ‘clippity clop’ on hard surfaces, and what kind of forest has paved paths?”
Richard found it very irksome raising a child prodigy.
Fix My Problem
“Do you have Polygons for sale?”
“Certainly, sir!”
“Excellent. They’re just what I need to solve my problem. You see, lately it’s felt like part of me is missing…”
“Very strange. And you think new Polygons will help?”
“Probably not, but I hope they’ll at least solve my parrot infestation.”
Trouble With the Neighbours
Billy Goat was waiting in the yard when Mrs. Wolf came strolling by with her son in a stroller.
“Good morning,” said Mrs. Wolf.
“Have you seen my squirrel?” said Billy, icily.
“Your little pet?” Something inside the stroller squeaked desperately. “Ah,” said Mrs. Wolf. “Well, boys will be boys!”
CS DeWILDT: The Odds
We killed nearly the entire frog population that summer, Matt with the bat, me with the hoe. Years later I read in the obits that Matt died choking on frog legs. Why was that detail in the obits? Only I knew about the frogs. Fate? Nope, bound to happen eventually.
CS DeWildt’s stories appear on Bartleby Snopes, Word Riot, The Bicycle Review, Mobius Magazine, Writer’s Bloc, and The Foundling Review. His novella Candy and Cigarettes is available at http://www.vagabondagepress.com/bookstore.html.
My Glock and Spiel
“No one listens. NO ONE EVER LISTENS!!”
In the corner, several people were cowering. “Are you going to let us go?”
The irate tuxedoed gentleman whirled in fury, brandishing a handgun. “No!” he cried. “Ignorant fools. Listen. Appreciate. Learn. Grow.”
The captives cringed as the musician bent over his glockenspiel.
This story is based on a title suggested by @Jillers.
Keys For Success
“Don’t forget your keys, dear.”
“Yes, mom.”
“Can you recite them for me, just to be sure?”
“Yes, mother… Patience. Perseverance. Perspective. Practicality. Proactivity.”
“Precisely! Oh, my brilliant, handsome young man. You’re going to make a great dictionary engineer.”
“Sure, unless they assign me somewhere other than the P division.”
Cataloguing Errors
Kevin clung desperately to the lip of the mile-high cliff, wondering which of today’s six poor choices had been most to blame for his predicament.
His sweat-slick palms gave way, and too late he noticed the ledge he could have dropped safely onto.
So, the seventh mistake, then.