He could no longer deny it: he was turning into a cat. He had thicker and thicker hair growing all over his body, he took frequent naps, he saw things during the night…
She could no longer deny it: he was getting older, and he thought he was a cat.
Category Archives: Amusing
He Told Her
“I’m very rich,” he told her.
“I have seven doctorate degrees,” he told her.
“I’m an Olympic gold medallist in track and field,” he told her.
“I have starred in three different Broadway productions,” he told her.
“I’m wanted in fourteen states for forgery, perjury, and fraud,” he told her.
It Was A Dark And Stormy Night (Or “Meteorology 100: It’s Dark At Night”)
It was a dark and stormy night.
The meteorologists were all very confused. They had anticipated darkness (because the first lesson of Meteorology 100 is that it’s always dark at night, which tended to confuse the Alaskans), but most of them had only predicted light showers.
Actually, none of them cared.
HAYDEN JEFFERIES: Oops
Cheeks burning with the scalding flames of embarrassment, he walked swiftly in the opposite direction from which he had come. The startled shriek and the accusing scowl had brought him to the sudden realization that the pink room containing no urinals was not a place in which he was welcome.
Hayden always reads the signs now.
Conflict Resolution
Jane liked yogourt.
Jake liked pudding.
They had little spats about which one was better pretty frequently. Mother told them they shouldn’t spit, though, so they started having tiffs, instead. Mother told them tiffs were an outdated file format, though, so they started bickering instead. Mom said that was ok.
Improve Your Quality of Life
She took some pills that were supposed to Improve Her Quality of Life.
They didn’t.
She brought them back to the pharmacy. The pharmacist took the bottle, said, “Your loss,” and swallowed the rest of the pills.
It didn’t work for the pharmacist either.
They sued the manufacturer. That worked.
Crazy For Cheeseburgers
“I’m insane,” declared Carmen.
“Oh, I don’t think so,” said her doctor bemusedly.
“I insist,” said Carmen. “I’m one-hundred percent crazy.”
“Are you hoping to get a prescription of some sort?”
“What, like a cheeseburger or something?”
“Ah, I see,” said the doctor. “You aren’t insane; you’re hungry.”
“Right. That.”
Tough As
“Stop biting your nails!” said Mom.
“Sorry,” mumbled Jackson.
“You’re still doing it!” said Mom.
“Whoops,” mumbled Jackson.
“Honestly, child, you’re hopeless! Am I going to have to take your nails away and put them back in the cupboard?” said Mom. “They’re for hammering, not chewing! You’ll break your teeth!”
Jakob’s Idea
Jakob had an idea. It was a stupendous idea, a marvelous idea, a fabulous idea.
Unfortunately, he couldn’t remember what it was.
He asked his garbage man. He asked his barber. He asked a woman at the grocery store. They couldn’t remember, either.
Jakob’s dog knew, but she wasn’t telling.
Effective Government
Dear Mister Mayor,
I wish that you would make it a holiday on every day. It would be a Great Idea.
Sincerely,
Timmy
***
Dear Timmy,
You’re right! Why didn’t I think of that? You’re a genius! I submitted the legislation this afternoon and it went into effect immediately.
Sincerely,
The Mayor