“This town ain’t big ’nuff fer the two of us,” drawled Brain-dead Bill.
“I’m very sorry,” said his mother to the guests. “Ever since poor Bill was shot in the head he’s been repeating silly lines like that.”
“This town ain’t…”
“Bill, you have to share the Fisher Price toys!”
“Look into my eyes, doctor, and tell me what I want to hear.”
“And what is that, ma’am?”
“That some day I’ll be able to roll around on the floor because I’m laughing so hard at something I’ve seen!”
“Of course! With our prescriptive lenses, you will see lolcats again!”
This story was inspired by a title suggested by @thatryanguy.
Garth banged his shin against the coffee table and swore loudly.
“Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?” said his friend.
“My mother’s dead,” said Garth.
“But if she were alive, would you still kiss her… with… your mouth…”
A few awkward moments passed.
“I probably would,” said Garth.
A bard stumbled upon a talking frog.
“Kiss me, and I shall become a princess and be your wife.”
The bard picked the frog up and kissed her. She transformed into an elderly woman, still dressed like a princess.
“Wow… I guess I’ve been out here longer than I thought.”
This is the seventh, and last, in a week-long series from King Kool.
A knave found a frog.
“Kiss me; I’ll become a beautiful princess and wed you.”
He did, and the frog transformed into a princess, while the knave into a frog.
“I’m sorry! I didn’t know that would happen.”
“That’s OK. Bring me into town; get someone else to kiss me.”
This is the sixth in a week-long series from King Kool.
An explorer found a frog sitting on a rock.
“Kiss me, traveler,” the frog said, “and I shall become a beautiful princess and be your wife.”
The explorer laughed. “What rubbish. You wish to make me look foolish!”
“Ok, I lied,” the frog said. “Can’t talking frogs be lonely, too?”
This is the fifth in a week-long series from King Kool.
A friar discovered a talking frog.
“Kiss me and I’ll become a beautiful princess and be your wife.”
The friar complied and the frog became a beautiful princess before his eyes.
They returned to his home. “Let us celebrate. What would you like to dine on?”
The princess responded, “Flies.”
This is the fourth in a week-long series from King Kool.
A knight discovered a talking frog.
“Kiss me, and I’ll become a beautiful princess and be your wife.”
The knight immediately complied and the frog transformed into a woman of average pulchritude. “I’m sorry for lying,” she said, “but you’d never have kissed me if I said I was plain.”
This is the third in a week-long series from King Kool.
A squire found a talking frog.
“Kiss me and I’ll become a beautiful princess and be your wife.”
The squire did so and the frog transformed into a princess, just as promised. The pair went into town to wed. The ceremony was interrupted when they kissed and she changed back.
This is the second in a week-long series from King Kool.
A starving peasant found a frog. “Kiss me, and I’ll become a beautiful princess and be your wife.”
The peasant obeyed and she transformed into a princess. “Now I’ll have plenty to eat,” he said.
“I can’t cook,” the princess confessed.
“If that’s true, then I’ll just have you raw.”
This is the first in a week-long series from King Kool.