First, she wrote, in big, bold letters, “Fred versus Charlie”. Then she drew two intersecting circles. Where the circles intersected, she wrote the word “Male”.
Really, that was all they had in common.
Fred was a werebear, and Charlie was a vampire. How would she choose?
She flipped a coin.
Randy burst through the door. “Mandy, do you only love me for my money?!”
Mandy looked up from her fashion magazine, startled. “What? No! Honey! I love you for your… well, for your eyes!”
Randy sank into his chair stuffed with hundred-dollar bills. “Oh, phew.”
Mandy gripped her eye-socket spoon.
“I’m going to kick you in the face!”
Jeffrey was being accosted by the class bully again. He rolled his eyes. “How are you gonna do that? You can’t get your foot above your waist.”
“Then I’m gonna punch you in the face!”
“Oh,” said Jeffrey. “I guess that’ll work.”
“Do you have any idea how fast you were driving back there?”
“I have a rough idea…”
“Seventy-five miles an hour.”
“Really? Wow, I’m so sorry…”
“Now, either I can give you a five-hundred-dollar ticket for speeding, or you can tell me what the heck you’ve done to that tricycle.”
“Can you help me?”
“Sure miss. With what?”
“Oh, you’re so kind. You can put all of the money from the cash register into this bag.”
“I’m sorry, miss, but I can’t do that.”
“Why not?”
“Because that bag isn’t big enough. Here, let me get you a bigger one.”
JP originally submitted this story for the Mere 50 Words contest, and also wrote this story.
It was Sun Day in Antarctica.
The penguins had been waiting all year to don their sunglasses, waddle out from their igloos, and flop onto their backs to catch a few rays.
Nearby, the evil communist polar bears peered through their binoculars, awaiting their leader’s signal.
Luckily, Pingu spotted them.
When Buster the puppy wasn’t sleeping, he was eating. When he wasn’t eating, he was playing. When he wasn’t playing, he was either sleeping or eating. He didn’t have a very complicated life, well, except on Thursdays, which was when he genetically engineered his super soldiers in the laundry room.
This story was based on a title suggested by @StoicRomance.
Gus poked his head into the fridge. There were three bottles of milk lined up on the top shelf. The label on the first one said, “Safe to Drink”. The label on the second one said, “Biochemistry experiment – poisonous!” The label on the third one said, “Other labels potentially backwards”.
The idea for this story came from a suggestion by @meur1234.
“Gimme the jelly beans!”
“I’m sorry, what?” I turned around. There was a person with a shotgun standing on the other side of the counter looking menacing.
“Empty out the jelly bean vending machine! Now!”
“Ok, ok!” I slowly stepped around the counter and did it.
He ate them all.
This story was inspired by @Ponza on Twitter.
The former mayor sat pouting in the gutter. “He’s hoodwinked them all with his luscious, bushy beard!” he muttered. “I must uncover his secret! But how?”
“Did somebody say ‘Butt Howe’?” wheedled a large rat wearing a silk top hat. “At your service!”
“You can help me?”
“For a price.”
This story is a sequel to this story.