Jesse went to school to study Finance.
He did really well in all of the theory classes, but he had some difficulty making real-world applications of his newfound knowledge.
After six years, he graduated.
He calculated that it would only take him twenty-nine years to pay back his student loans.
“So what have we learned today?” said Dan, standing over the aquarium.
“Whatcha doin’?” asked Tara.
“Teaching the fish to speak.”
“Is this some elaborate setup for a pun on how the fish are in ‘school’?”
“No. I’m seriously teaching them.”
“Whatever,” Tara scoffed, leaving.
“Jerk face,” said the fish.
“I found them!” Todd squealed.
“Found what?” mumbled his wife disinterestedly.
“My box of old hockey cards!”
“Oh?”
“They must be worth hundreds of dollars by now!”
“Really!?”
“My dad and I made them when I was a kid and I hid them away in the attic.”
“You… made them?”
“Hi. My name is Jeferee, and I’m a ruleaholic.”
Everyone intoned, “Hi Jeferee.”
“I think it began when my parents named me. I mean, my name actually rhymes with ‘referee’…”
The others nodded sympathetically.
“I’m here to get help.”
“We’ll have you jaywalking again in no time!” said his sponsor.
“Ladies and gentlemen of the Activision-Blizzard Board of Governers, we’ve called you here from your Hawaiian homesteads and your Caribbean estates for a very important meeting. This woman, Andrea Rhinestone, has developed potentially the most lucrative video game franchise concept since The Sims.”
“Three words,” said Andrea. “Hula. Hoop. Hero.”
“Why is there a manatee on the lunch room table.”
“It was the only table big enough to hold it.”
“But why…”
“We’re going to probe it with our new microscopic robots! Think of the benefits to our knowledge of marine mammal anatomy!”
“This science department has jumped the shark.”
This story was based on a prompt I received from @Charles_Mor on Twitter. He provided shark, table, and probe.
It’s Thursday. I hate Thursdays.
Thursdays are when the dames come, sobbing, pleading, and looking for a pro-bono Private Eye.
On Thursdays, I say “know” more often than a philosophy student who just learned about epistemology, but without the “k” and the “w”.
Today, I surprise myself. I say yes.
“I say,” said the English gentleman, “I sure do speak a lot, do I not?”
“Perhaps, sir, it seems as though you say more things than you actually do, since you preface each statement with the words ‘I say’.”
“I say,” said the English gentleman. “I do believe you’re correct!”
“In communist Russia, buses drive you!” said the Moscow-basedtour guide, laughing.
“That doesn’t make sense,” said a Swedish tourist.
“In communist Russia, sense makes you!” said the tour guide. “Seriously, the bus is out of gas. Everyone get in the harness and pull. I’ll steer.” He readied his whip.
He was set to become the biggest thing since the Jonas Brothers when it all went wrong.
It started with the pimples. Makeup helped at first, but soon it got out of hand.
Then his voice started cracking, so he lip-synched his concerts.
But the haircut was the final straw.