“It’s gonna rain today!” declared Old Oliver. “I smell it in the air!”
“It’s gonna rain today!” declared Senile Sam. “I feel it in my knees!”
“It’s gonna rain today!” declared Geriatric Jim. “I hear it in the wind!”
“It’s gonna rain today,” said Teenaged Tracy. “The television told me.”
The combatants circled warily. Darcy made an exploratory feint, but Rick didn’t bite. Darcy darted forward again, but Rick dodged the attack and tried for a quick pin. Darcy fought free, knocked Rick down, and made the winning pin.
“Rematch?” said Rick.
“One, two, three, four; I declare a thumb-a-war…”
Two minutes later, the car was on fire.
“That’ll teach him,” grinned Jeff, phone to ear again.
“He’s cryin’!” laughed Turk from the other end, “Bet he wishes he paid up now!”
“Not so cocky without his precious blue Civic, is he?”
“Green Civic, dude. Green. The blue one’s mine!”
MCM is the author of The Pig and the Box and TorrentBoy: Zombie World, as well as the creator of the animated series RollBots. He is working towards certification for his insanity.
Sheila blinked as she awoke. The clock said six o’clock. Why wasn’t she tired?
Her husband and two daughters rushed in. “Happy Mother’s Day!” they shouted. “We brought you supper in bed!”
“Supper?”
“It’s six PM. We wanted to be original,” said her husband, brandishing a bottle of sleeping pills.
“Life must have really sucked before we harnessed wormholes for space travel, ended poverty, and discovered telepathy,” thought Dangar, sitting in his bedroom on the third moon of Beta Centauri.
“It did,” thought his grandfather, lightyears away on Repsilon Nine. “But it was even worse before we built the internet.”
“I don’t get it,” said Kyle. “They walk across tight-ropes and swing around on bars and ride motorcycles and stuff, but where’s the rest?”
“What do you mean, ‘the rest’?”
“You know, the boss fights. The item gathering. The plot. This is the boringest platformer ever.”
“…We’re at a circus.”
A man walked up to me in the park today and asked, “Are you eating that?”
I was confused. I wasn’t eating anything. I turned to him and said, “No.”
He promptly took a large bite out of my upper thigh and walked away.
I wish I had said “Yes.”
This guest story comes from Dave Eves, a soon-to-graduate film student and independent filmmaker.
The entire town had gathered to witness the unveiling of a new method of execution.
A fine specimen of a man was watching with the others. He stood a head taller than anyone else in the crowd.
But after the Horizontal Guillotine malfunctioned, no one looked up to him anymore.
“The next shooter up is One-Eyed Joe, who has selected a well-balanced Luger handgun. Here he goes…
“Oh! Sorry folks, no luck yet.
“Now we have Drunken Donny Davis. He’s really waving that twelve-gauge around! Let’s see if he can put a hole in the broad side of the barn.”
A man, celebrating the long-deserved victory of his favorite football team, bounded out of the dimly lit tavern and into the street. He raised his hands in the air and proclaimed to the heavens the thrill and excitement of witnessing such an historic achievement.
He was hit by a bus.
This guest story was written by Brice Puls. He blogs at http://onedecentguy.wordpress.com.