Heaven sighed.
She said, “Everything I do… I do it for you. Straight from the heart.”
So far, so good, he thought.
“Do I have to say the words? There’s somebody else. Please forgive me. This time it’s only love.”
He cried, “It cuts like a knife!”
They were soulmates.
Editor: There are eight song titles and one album title in this story. Can you identify them all? And do you know which musician performed the album?
The foreman scribbled calculations on his clipboard. “We’ve done it before, but never on this scale.”
“Cost is unimportant,” said the king, opening his wallet. “She wants it done, so it must be done.”
The foreman nodded understandingly. “If she says ‘move the castle,’ then you better castle queen side.”
Editor’s Note: This story was based on a call on Twitter for two nouns and a verb. @davefp responded with castle (noun), wallet, and castle (verb, as in chess).
Harvey the hamster skidded on the hardwood floor, rounding the corner at high speed–hunting speed. Just ahead, his prey scrambled desperately towards the carpet, where Harvey’s plastic hamster-ball would lose its superior maneuverability.
Harvey ran faster. There would be no escape this time!
With a heavy thud, they collided.
The lumberjack swung his mighty axe, hewing the trunk of the towering Douglas Fir.
O! Would he ever see her again? Her plaid jacket, her ruddy cheeks, the long, luxurious, curly hair that graced her pretty head and legs?
With a heart full of longing, he cried her name: “Timber!”
A guy walks into a bar. He saunters towards a group of girls and sends a nonchalant scowl in their direction. He suavely turns his head to the nearest girl and winks.
He says to the bartender, “I’ll have what she’s having.”
The bartender says, “One Pink Lady, coming up.”
This guest story was written by Sonia Sayani. Sonia is, in her own words, “but an eternally something-to-do-searching Canadian with a computer.”
“Yaarr! Where’s me rum?!” cried Captain Chubbeard.
He looked in his hammock. He looked on the poopdeck. He looked in the treasure chests. He looked behind the bulkheads.
His rum could not be found.
He asked Mister Scurvey, who said, “I think you drunk it, Cap’n!”
And so he had.
His face was covered in bumblebees.
“Lookit me!” he shouted. One of the bees crawled into his nasal passage. “I’m gonna be the first human honeycomb!”
I shook my head. He was really stupid sometimes. “It won’t work,” I told him. “You aren’t hollow.”
We solved that problem easily enough.
“This is a massive, worthless pile of junk.”
“Don’t call my priceless rare collectibles ‘junk’!”
“They’re only ‘priceless’ because no rational-minded, intelligent person would ever agree to pay money for them.”
“Hey! I paid money for them!”
“And you’re incredibly, unbelievably stupid. Thank you for making my point for me.”
The C-12 Huron transport plane climbed, climbed, climbed, then evened out.
“This is crazy. Why are we doing this?” said Rick.
“Research, man, research. Science and stuff.”
The nervous elephants trumpeted and stomped in place.
Rick shook his head. “We ain’t in no Disney movie!”
“That’s why they’re wearing parachutes.”
For this story, I asked my family to suggest two nouns and a verb. My father suggested elephant, parachute, and stomp.
“Isn’t this dress just delicious?” Kelly enthused, twirling in front of the mirror.
“We come here so often,” said Ken. “Don’t you have enough clothes?”
“You don’t know a thing about women, do you?” said Kelly.
“Shopping bites,” said Ken. “I’m going home.”
She made him leave his credit card.
Editor’s Note: This story was based on a call on Twitter for an adjective, a verb, and an adverb. @CasperMcFadden responded with delicious, bites, and often.