Category Archives: Amusing

DREW MOKRIS: Artliteration

Amusing, Submissions, , , ,

The white rectangle was definitely “Milk”, and the banana-shaped scribble must be “Moon”, but the pink tangle of crayon squiggles rang no bells in Amanda’s head. At stake was Katie’s fragile artistic confidence.

“It’s a brain,” said Katie.

“Oh honey, I thought they all started with ‘M’-”

“Mom, it’s ‘Magination’!”

This Guest Writer story was written by Drew Mokris. You can see more of Drew’s work at www.LeftHandedToons.com, a very clever and very funny webcomic where he and co-founder Justin draw every strip with their “wrong” hand. Drew is also a flash animator; many of his flash cartoons can be soon on his personal website, www.SpinnerDisc.com.

Left-Handed Toons

Telling It Like It Is

Amusing, Touching, , , ,

“Oh yeah? Well your mama’s so fat she got hired by the fire department so people could fall out of burning apartment buildings and land on her without getting hurt! And she likes it!”

His friends hooted. “Solid comeback, mang!”

I folded my arms and sniffed derisively. “Your mama was so fat she died.”

Editor’s Note: This story was based on a call on Twitter for an adjective, a verb, and an adverb. @davefp responded with solid, fall, and derisively.

10 If StatementMade (); 20 Then QueryCause(); 30 GoTo 10;

Amusing, , ,

“I need a bandaid.”

“Why?”

“Because I have a cut on my finger.”

“Why?”

“Because my knife slipped.”

“Why?”

“Because I had slippery fingers.”

“Why?”

“Because I spilled salad dressing on my hands.”

“Why?”

“Because… Never mind; I’ll get the bandaid myself.”

He made a mental note: fix the ButlerBot.

Impeccable Timing

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She crept from alcove to alcove, timing her movements against the motion of the cameras. Down the hallway, around the corner…

“Stop!” someone yelled. “Cut! Do it again! Honey, baby, we’re makin’ a movie here. The cameras have to see ya! Yeesh, whose idea was it to hire an ex-spy?”

SYLVAIN SCHMIDT: Party Trick

Amusing, Submissions, , , ,

“Here’s a neat trick,” he said.

He opened his mouth, real wide. He inserted his hand, then his arm, down his throat. His shoulder dislocated to go farther down. He stopped. Then his arm came back up, and he pulled himself inside out.

“What do you think?”

“You’re still ugly.”

This Guest Writer story was written by Sylvain Schmidt, who has written many more fifty-word stories in the Writer’s Block board on the Penny-Arcade.com forums.

Fail Count

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“Nerd!” said Mitchell.

“Am not!” retorted Greg.

“You’re sitting in your parents’ basement playing with a computer. Face it, you’re hoopy.”

“Shut up!” Greg screamed. He grabbed a floppy disk and winged it at Mitchell’s head.

Mitchell ducked. The disk shattered on the wall.

Greg sighed. “Today’s fail count: four.”

Editor’s Note: This story was based on a call on Twitter for a noun, an adjective, and a verb. @MasterGunner314 responded with floppy disk, hoopy, and fail.

Philosnowphy

Amusing, Touching, , ,

Winter. Thick snowflakes were making an exodus from the wombs of the clouds.

“Existence is suffering, but I believe our essence lives on and ascends to the Cloud Mother to be reborn,” said Seth Snowflake. “Life is a cycle.”

“That’s stupid,” said Sam Snowflake. “Life sucks, and then you melt.”

Priorities in a Time of Global Crisis

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Kim groaned and awoke.

It was early morning, but unusually bright and hot.

Kim slipped into her bathrobe, flung open the blinds, and screamed.

A dying red sun filled the sky. Earth’s orbit was rapidly, dangerously contracting.

Kim shrieked and hammered on her speed-dial. “Tan-Hut!? I need a pre-tan NOW!”

Open Source

Amusing, ,

Thunder shook the sky as rain pounded the glass ceiling. A chaos of wires descended from a rod at the ceiling’s peak to a bed upon which an unliving giant laid.

Lightning struck; the body spasmed and arose.

It opened its mouth, then collapsed.

“Should’ve installed Ubuntu,” muttered the scientist.

Geometry Bores

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“We agree, then, that the tables we’ve pushed together are, in fact, congruent rectangles?”

“Agreed,” said Phil, Sandra, and Kyle.

“I’d like to table a further motion: let it be resolved that this brick is not congruent with these tables.”

“See?” whispered Joe to Mary. “Told you geometry was exciting!”

Editor’s Note: This story was based on a call on Twitter for a noun, an adjective, and a verb. @evan_williams responded with brick, congruent, and to table.