I sit here, tense. The clock counts down my last seconds. My fingers fly, in a flurry of keystrokes. I have only a moment to complete this final task. Hammering the keyboard, I execute the command.
I head home, and my computer shuts down behind me. The day is over.
This guest story comes from Matt Wiggins. Matt is a member of LoadingReadyRun, an internet sketch comedy group that updates with a new video every Monday.
There was a cowboy in my closet.
I told him I had to store my clothes there and he was going to have to stay somewhere else, but he laughed.
“Why do you need more than one set of clothes?” he asked me.
And that’s why I never go shopping.
George slaved beside a roaring fire, a wild look in his eyes.
“Fool me once, shame on you,” he mumbled, dripping sweat as he steadied the anvil.
“Fool me twice, shame on me!” he cried, swinging the hammer above his head.
He held his creations high. “WHO’S THE FOOL NOW!?”
“This is a massive, worthless pile of junk.”
“Don’t call my priceless rare collectibles ‘junk’!”
“They’re only ‘priceless’ because no rational-minded, intelligent person would ever agree to pay money for them.”
“Hey! I paid money for them!”
“And you’re incredibly, unbelievably stupid. Thank you for making my point for me.”
After evading terrorist capture, two men checked into a backwater motel using pseudonyms.
“Are you married?” Timothy Thicke asked Evan Edgelow.
“No,” said Edgelow. “Everyone I get close to ends up dead.”
Thicke thought about this. “You wouldn’t call us… friends, would you?”
“Not really.”
“Thank goodness,” said Timothy Thicke.
The C-12 Huron transport plane climbed, climbed, climbed, then evened out.
“This is crazy. Why are we doing this?” said Rick.
“Research, man, research. Science and stuff.”
The nervous elephants trumpeted and stomped in place.
Rick shook his head. “We ain’t in no Disney movie!”
“That’s why they’re wearing parachutes.”
For this story, I asked my family to suggest two nouns and a verb. My father suggested elephant, parachute, and stomp.
“Isn’t this dress just delicious?” Kelly enthused, twirling in front of the mirror.
“We come here so often,” said Ken. “Don’t you have enough clothes?”
“You don’t know a thing about women, do you?” said Kelly.
“Shopping bites,” said Ken. “I’m going home.”
She made him leave his credit card.
Editor’s Note: This story was based on a call on Twitter for an adjective, a verb, and an adverb. @CasperMcFadden responded with delicious, bites, and often.
The white rectangle was definitely “Milk”, and the banana-shaped scribble must be “Moon”, but the pink tangle of crayon squiggles rang no bells in Amanda’s head. At stake was Katie’s fragile artistic confidence.
“It’s a brain,” said Katie.
“Oh honey, I thought they all started with ‘M’-”
“Mom, it’s ‘Magination’!”
This Guest Writer story was written by Drew Mokris. You can see more of Drew’s work at www.LeftHandedToons.com, a very clever and very funny webcomic where he and co-founder Justin draw every strip with their “wrong” hand. Drew is also a flash animator; many of his flash cartoons can be soon on his personal website, www.SpinnerDisc.com.
“Oh yeah? Well your mama’s so fat she got hired by the fire department so people could fall out of burning apartment buildings and land on her without getting hurt! And she likes it!”
His friends hooted. “Solid comeback, mang!”
I folded my arms and sniffed derisively. “Your mama was so fat she died.”
Editor’s Note: This story was based on a call on Twitter for an adjective, a verb, and an adverb. @davefp responded with solid, fall, and derisively.
“It’s time you learned to defend yourself,” Evan Edgelow said to Timothy Thicke.
“Great!” said Thicke. “Can I learn muay thai?”
“Muay thai is an advanced–”
“Just like Tony Jaa!” said Thicke, swinging an elbow.
Edgelow caught Thicke’s arm and slammed him to the ground.
“Sorry,” he said. “Reflexes.”