They ran and they ran and they ran.
They ran and they ran and they ran and they ran and they ran and they ran and they ran.
They ran.
They ran and ran.
And then they ran some more.
They ran really, really, really far.
And then they stopped.
Instahaunt
Sigmund dove for cover, gunshots ringing in his ears.
“Hello,” said Carl’s ghost.
“Girly scream!” said Sigmund.
“You just killed me,” said Carl’s ghost.
“…Sorry?” squeaked Sigmund.
Carl’s ghost shrugged.
“Blam!” said Carl’s partner’s gun as it shot Sigmund.
“Girly scream!” said Carl’s partner.
“I’m really hungry,” said Carl’s ghost.
Around the World in Eighty Meals
She sat on the couch and wished she was in Italy eating sushi with chopsticks. Or in Guam eating steak with a spork. She’d even settle for pizza in the Bahamas, or a spoon and some carrots…
But she was older now, and darn it, she was on a diet!
This story was written with input from @zaro27, @Caelum_Sky, @clayben, and @captainmakr on Twitter, who provided me with some interesting foods, countries, and eating utensils.
Giant Frogs Should Not Be Killers
“It’s a giant frog!” shouted Cyrus.
“I love frogs!” shouted Mara.
The giant frog gave them both a happy lick, because it loved making new friends.
They took it home and fed it flies and, unlike the ones in my Dungeons and Dragons game, it didn’t try to eat them.
TIM SEVENHUYSEN: The Prince’s Portions, or Anorexia: It’s What’s For Breakfast
“That’s enough!” roared the Prince.
“But Your Majesty…”
“I said that’s enough!”
The page lowered his head and cautiously withdrew the cereal box. “But the doctor said–”
“Hang the doctor!” shouted the Prince. “Behead him! If I only want to eat six Cheerios, I’m only going to eat six Cheerios!”
TIM SEVENHUYSEN: The Sky Was Falling
“The sky is falling!” cried Chicken Little. “We must go tell the king!”
The king called for the tallest crane in the kingdom and sent three women up in it with sewing needles and strong thread. They mended the sky and sewed the rips up nice and tight.
The end.
When Life Gives You Lemons
One day, the veterinarian came by to inspect the dairy farmer’s cows. “Bad news,” she said, “your herd is infected; neither their milk nor their meat can be sold.”
What did the farmer do upon discovering that the infected milk cured cancer?
He milked it for all it was worth.
TIM SEVENHUYSEN: He Hadn’t Quite Read Too Many Comic Books
“Oh man… You got owned! And he took your girlfriend, too! What are you going to do?”
“I’m going to become a recluse for two years and teach myself advanced martial arts so I can rescue her and be a hero!”
“That’s dumb.”
“…True. I’ll just find a new girlfriend.”
Missing Paperwork
“These are your time-keeping files? What kind of a Mickey Mouse operation is this?”
“Look, we’re doing the best we can, under the circumstances.”
The auditor from Corporate was clearly unimpressed. “You’re missing essential paperwork, your tax numbers are off, and worst of all, you’ve missed Minnie’s last three paycheques!”
The alternate title for this story could be “Disorganized in Disneyland”.
TIM SEVENHUYSEN: FLANNERTY 5: Brainsomethinging
“Let’s do some brainstorming!” said Miss Flannerty. “Today’s topic is Violence.”
Billy and Bobby and Suzie shared words like “punching” and “stabbing” and “capping y’all haters” and “bad”.
“Ah, my mistake,” said Miss Flannerty, pulling some chemicals, syringes, and DVDs out of the closet. “I meant brainwashing.”