NEWS: New Store; Bundle Deals Ending

News, , , , , ,

I’ve set up a new store for selling my writing, 50WS products included. Until the end of the month, you’ll still be able to buy books and t-shirts using the existing 50WS Store, but once January rolls around I’ll be shutting down the store on this site and running all sales through the new TScom store.

When I transfer things over to the new store, I’ll be discontinuing the bundle deals, so if you want to save money by buying both books, getting a shirt and book together, or picking up both books and a shirt, do it before the end of December!

The Cinnamon Rolls Look Particularly Good Today

Amusing, Artistic, Touching, , ,

“What are you making today, Geraldo?”

“My friend, I have many creations! Witness my self-baking bread, and these gingerbread men dance and sing! Marvelous, no?”

“Truly, but all I wish for are some buns to eat with my soup.”

“How sad,” said Geraldo, “that we live in such a world.”

This story is based on a title suggested by @Zutzy.

Paytients

Amusing, Puns and Wordplay, , , , , , ,

“Hello, nurse.”

“Good morning!”

“What’s on the menu today?”

“Appendix removal with side salad is on special, and Doctor Jones is whipping up his homemade double bypass.”

“Sounds wonderful, but I’m on a budget today. I’ll take a half-order of hip replacement, please.”

“Certainly. Don’t forget to tip your orderly!”

This story is based on a title suggested by @Invariel.

WENDY SCHMIDT: Territorial

Amusing, Submissions, , , , ,

“They’re at it again.”

“Well, what do you want me to do about it?”

“Go out there and stop them. It’s bad enough they trespass onto our property. Now they’re starting to steal from us. I don’t know how much more I can take.”

“Honey, calm down, they’re just squirrels.”

Wendy Schmidt is a Wisconsin native who has written short stories and poems for the last 10 years. Her poetry and short stories have been published in Strange, Weird and Wonderful, Daily Love, Three Line Poetry, Tainted Tea, Fear and Trembling, and Midwest Literary Magazine.

Woefully Unprepared

Amusing, , , , , , ,

Their sheds and bunkers were overloaded with guns, ammo, rations, reactors, and even entertainment, everything they thought they needed. For five years they had readied themselves for the invaders’ arrival.

The one thing they hadn’t counted on was the aliens’ overwhelming cuteness.

Psychologically incapable of fighting back, they were overrun.

This story is based on a title suggested by David Paye.

Unlikely Ascension

Artistic, Touching, , , , , , , , ,

When we finally summited Mount Kilimanjaro, the last thing we expected to see was a withered old man in an all-terrain wheelchair, surrounded by ten burly sherpas.

He looked at us with pale, watery eyes and said, “Remember, friends: money can buy you neither happiness nor salvation.”

Then he smiled.

This story is based on a title suggested by Jeremy Quinn.

The Greater of Two Evils

Amusing, , , ,

“I have a hard time making good decisions.”

“Yeah?”

“I always seem to pick the greater of two evils. Like yesterday I skipped my final exam to compete in a hot dog-eating contest.”

“I think I see your problem.”

“Really? What?”

“You consider writing an exam to be an ‘evil’…”

This story is based on a title suggested by Nathan Barber.

And Then Silence

Artistic, , , ,

He stood amid chaos, tumult, and noise, hearing nothing.

A voice passed through his mind. “Speak your wish, and your hearing can be restored to you.”

He looked around him, at the lights, movement, and stone-eyed faces. “Do not restore my hearing,” he said. “Please take my sight, as well.”

This story is based on a title suggested by @PanzerVaughn.

BRUCE HARRIS: About Face

Amusing, Submissions, , , ,

Herb barely beat the deadline. The completed report was faxed at exactly 11:59. When the fax machine displayed “successfully sent,” he took a deep breath and smiled for the first time in weeks. Unfortunately, he hadn’t noticed the sign taped to the front of the fax machine: PLACE FACE UP.

Bruce Harris is the author of Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson: ABout Type, published by The Battered Silicon Dispatch Box.

The Stars Awaken

Artistic, , , , , ,

Every morning, as the sun comes up, the stars awaken.

Stars are not nocturnal, as many assume. They actually sleep all night and dance during the day, when their predators, the owls, can’t see them.

So when you see a shooting star, remember: a hungry owl is chasing after it.

This story is based on a title suggested by @facelesscog.