Death of a Possum

Artistic, Odd, , , , , ,

“I’m an utter failure,” moaned Willy the possum. “If only I had gone to the Interstate with my brother Ben. I could’ve really been somebody!”

Willy flopped down beside a pothole on the back-country road and sighed wretchedly. “Goodbye, Linda.”

Perhaps symbolically, the truck driver didn’t even notice the bump.

Vigafray suggested the title this story was written for. I interpreted it as a play on the classic, erm, play, Death of a Salesman, which I’ve never actually seen or read. Maybe that’s why this story is so depressing and not funny. I don’t know. So sue me. The lack of humor in this story is just another in my long line of failures and uselessnesses. (Heh, there are so many “S”es in “uselessnesses”. Hee hee.)

The Bunny Never Saw It Coming

Amusing, , , , , ,

“First, we take the deadly iocaine powder and stir it into the jug of fruit punch. Now, we dip the carrot into the mixture, and… Voila! Look closely, but do not inhale!”

“Isn’t this kind of dangerous?” asked one of the students.

“Good Science is always dangerous,” intoned Professor Westley.

This story was based on the title, as suggested by @LaurenceFawkes via Twitter.

The Day the Fat Lady Sang

Amusing, , , , , , ,

My wife and I had an argument. She wanted to spend a hundred bucks each on opera tickets, and I wanted to play World of Warcraft.

The argument lasted for days, and neither of us would budge.

In the end, we compromised. I went along, but I brought my netbook.

This story was based on the titled as submitted by @Wo0t via Twitter.

AMY TOWNSLEY: The Regret

Amusing, Submissions, , ,

Well, this was certainly a surprise. Then again, he should have known it might happen. Things like this were always happening to him.

But still, it would have been nice to have had a bit of a heads-up this time. If he had known, he probably would have worn pants.

Amy Townsley is a mother of two originally from California but now living in Utah. She is currently a student at Weber State University studying English. She hopes to go on to pursue a MFA in Creative Writing and take a serious stab at this writing thing she has been flirting with for years.

Unhypothetical Butt-Kicking

Amusing, , , , , , , , ,

“Who do you think would win in a fight, Luke Skywalker or Aragorn?”

“What kind of stupid question is that?”

“How about Gandalf versus Darth Vader?”

“I’m not even going to acknowledge anything so dumb.”

“R2D2 versus Gollum?”

“Try this one: my boot versus your butt.”

Surprisingly, the butt won.

Every Which Way, or All He Ever Wanted In Life Were Some Cheese Byproducts

Amusing, Odd, Puns and Wordplay, , , , , ,

“MAKE WHEY FOR THE PRINCE!”

“Oh, sorry, I’ll step aside, didn’t see you coming.”

“WHERE ARE YOU GOING?!”

“I’m making way!”

“NO, NO, NO! I SAID ‘MAKE WHEY‘!!”

“Make weigh? What, does he need a scale to stand on?”

“ARE YOU CALLING HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS FAT!?”

“…No?”

“SUMMON THE EXECUTIONER!!”

Stay Out of the Sun

Odd, Puns and Wordplay, , , , , ,

Charlie the Cow was allergic to leather. He had to stay out of the sun, because if he stood in the sun for too long his skin would get tanned.

…Get it? His skin would gettanned? Like, y’know, it would turn into leather. And he was allergic to leather…

THICKE AND EDGELOW 13: Layers Upon Layers

Thicke and Edgelow, , , ,

“Did you just shoot the chief of police?” asked Timothy Thicke, incredulous.

“No,” grunted Evan Edgelow. “It’s a mask.” He peeled off the imposter’s fake face.

“Wait,” said Thicke. “It’s another mask.” Underneath the second mask was the chief of police.

“Hold on… A third mask?”

Phew. No fourth one.

Doody

Amusing, , , , , , ,

The cowboy walked up to the toddler, who was sitting on the cowboy’s hat. “Howdy!” he said.

“Doody!” said the toddler.

“Baw haw haw!” said the cowboy. “I love Howdy Doody! Great minds think alike, pardner!”

“Doody!”

“That’s right, you’ve–” The cowboy sniffed. “Aw, crap, little pardner. In my hat!?”

EBON WUMON: Scott Davidson, the Go-Getter

Amusing, Submissions, , , , ,

There once was a dragon named Scott Davidson. The higher-ups liked him, a real go-getter. He was destined for the top.

One day, he was covering for Robert, the hiring manager. An applicant walked in and screamed, “HOLY MOTHER OF PEARL! IT’S AN UGLY DRAGON!”

Scott ate him.

The End.

Ebon Wumon originally submitted this story as an entry in the Mere 50 Words contest.