Page after page I became increasingly convinced: I could have easily written this book myself! The sentences were short, the words simple. It would’ve turned me into an overnight literary sensation, much to the jealousy of my writer friends.

“Hmph,” I said, pressing pen to paper. Here’s what came out:

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Debbi Antebi (@debbisland) lives in Istanbul, Turkey, and blogs at http://debbiantebi.com.