Category Archives: Puns and Wordplay

JOHN H DROMEY: The Hush-Hush Mush Affair

Secret Ops briefing.

“Our suspect is addicted to tanning salons. His getaway dogsled team was one husky short, so he substituted a gnome.”

“Sir, in mushing, haw is left, right?”

“Right, but the replacement was on the right.”

The sergeant pressed on.

“Welcome to the Hue Man Gee Gnome Project.”


John H. Dromey has had short fiction published in Gumshoe Review, Plan B Magazine, Plasma Frequency Magazine, and elsewhere.

JOHN H DROMEY: The Hush-Hush Mush Affair 2.55/5 - 11 votes

JOEY TO: The Unveiling

After the cheesy introduction of the chefs, it was almost time to unveil the competition’s mandatory ingredient.

In their stomach-churning anxiety to start whipping up dishes, the contestants waited… Most hoped for potatoes. Or beef. Or even scallops.

The host tore off the covering:

MILK

Sour glances were all around.


Joey wasn’t interested in writing while at school but has been writing on his own in recent years, mostly to amuse himself. He has been published at The Story Shack and Needle In The Hay. He dislikes cooking game shows.

JOEY TO: The Unveiling 3.33/5 - 12 votes

DEBORAH WALKER: Love in Academia

“I wasn’t really expecting it to work.”
The door hangs off its broken hinges.

“I thought that she’d be so grateful.”
Elixir soaks into the discarded bandages.

“Why do women always leave me?”
The gilded sarcophagus is empty.

Tears are streaming down his face.
The professor really misses his mummy.


Deborah thinks: least said, soonest mended. Find her on her blog: Deborah Walker’s Bibliography.

DEBORAH WALKER: Love in Academia 4.00/5 - 3 votes

TIM SEVENHUYSEN: Victor

Plop.

“Eat up!” said Mom.

Victor stared at his plate. Yuck. What was this slimy, moldy, mushy gunk?

“Don’t you like it?”

“Gross!” said Victor. “Is this rotten food?”

“It’s your winnings,” said Mom. “The ones you gloated about after Monopoly. Like you said, to the victor go the spoils!”


I’m happy to announce the birth of my second son, Victor! This story is for him.

TIM SEVENHUYSEN: Victor 4.00/5 - 4 votes

JOHN H. DROMEY: True to Form

“I’m bored, Watson. I need something to investigate. Did anything of more than casual interest arrive in the post?”

“There’s a letter from Inland Revenue. They’re going to audit your tax return.”

“Why would they?”

“I’m a doctor, Holmes, not an accountant. My guess is you made too many deductions.”


John H. Dromey has had a short story published in Alfred Hitchcock’s Mystery Magazine, a mini-mystery in Woman’s World, plus fiction online at Liquid Imagination, Mysterical-E, and elsewhere.

JOHN H. DROMEY: True to Form 4.00/5 - 3 votes

CAROLINE SHAPIRO: Nerd

He smirked. “Well the principle don’t rule us here!”

“Huh?”

“You said you wouldn’t do it outta principle. I was making a joke.”

“Those words are spelled differently. The principal is your pal.”

“Mr. Jansen ain’t my pal.”

“No, it’s a mnemonic device, for remembering the spell–”

“Just smoke it!!!”


Caroline Shapiro is a writer and aspiring zookeeper living in Tucson, Arizona.

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JOE MALONE: Kids Aren’t Mean

Children aren’t mean. Sometimes they just lack common sense.

For example, at the party I was in charge of the pinata. Finding one, hanging it up, getting some big sticks.

We were having a lot of fun until Mrs. Pinata from down the block showed up, looking for her kid.


Joe Malone is living in a mud hut in South Sudan. Read more from him at http://joem18b.wordpress.com/.

JOE MALONE: Kids Aren’t Mean 4.00/5 - 1 vote

JOHN H DROMEY: Après-Ski

“What’s wrong with you, Shawn? You’ve spilled a drink on not just one, but four bobsledders.”

“Everything would have been fine if they’d just stood still.”

“What do you mean?”

“Because this lodge is furnished with valuable antiques, the barkeep made me promise to set my glass on a coaster.”


John H. Dromey has had a short story published in Alfred Hitchcock’s Mystery Magazine, a mini-mystery in Woman’s World, plus fiction online at Liquid ImaginationMysterical-E, and elsewhere.

JOHN H DROMEY: Après-Ski 4.14/5 - 7 votes

JOHN B. SINCLAIR: Elf and Safety

Tom retired to Florida to play hopeless golf with wife Trish marking his scorecard.

In the Christmas tournament Tom swung and missed.

He swung again and the ball smacked into a tree then bounced back into the hole.

“What was that?” queried Trish.

“A par, Trish, and a pear tree.”


John B Sinclair is a much-travelled Scot who has now returned to Scotland, where he enjoys freelance writing on a variety of subjects.

JOHN B. SINCLAIR: Elf and Safety 4.33/5 - 3 votes

GARY CLIFTON: Vital Information

“911, what is your emergency?”

“Screams coming from the house next door. Need police out here quick.”

“Do you know who lives there?”

“No, they just moved in.”

“Do you have an address?”

“No, I’m wearing shorts and a halter top. Is there a dress code for calling the cops?”


Gary Clifton, forty years a cop, has nearly 60 short fiction pieces published or pending with online sites. He has an M.S. from Abilene Christian University.

GARY CLIFTON: Vital Information 4.00/5 - 2 votes