5 thoughts on “YASSI DOOO: Crime of Passion

  1. Hi Yassi – I thought the concept of slaying the inner artist was exceptional. A couple things: the need for “bright future” in quotation marks eluded me. Also, if the “inner artist lay slain” then it was dead and thus could not be “bleeding to death.” Jeff

    1. I appreciate the constructive critiquing, Jeff! Would love to see more of this in the comments. We have a lot of repeat submitters, so it would be awesome to see people help each other hone their craft. That way the stories on the site should continue to improve over time!

      1. I agree, constructive criticism in my opinion is greater than a few unexplained stars, I liked this post, I read it a few times perplexed with the notion of why I would need to kill off my creative side? I gave it 4 stars.

    2. Hi Jeff, thanks so much for your comment, I greatly appreciate it.
      You are absolutely right. I actually realised it myself after the submission that i had made the mistake. Thanks for your attention and taking the time to point it out. :} The final version of the story reads (the last sentence):
      “Back in the room, a torn canvas, her inner artist child lay slain.” :}

      I was thinking of sending the final version to Tim before he posts it, but i wasn’t sure if that would be allowed.

      Regarding the double quotes around “bright future”… it was my way of emphasising it as being something quoted repeated by other people in general. It was supposed to allude that “bright future” is something she had heard over and over from others. Perhaps her parents? her teachers?
      If you think that the quotes still don’t work for what i had intedned, i’d be happy to remove them. Grammar is not my forte! 8}

    3. Hi Jeff, thanks so much for your comment, I greatly appreciate it.
      You are absolutely right. I actually realised it myself after the submission that i had made the mistake. Thanks for your attention and taking the time to point it out. :} The final version of the story reads (the last sentence):
      “Back in the room, a torn canvas, her inner artist child lay slain.” :}

      I was thinking of sending the final version to Tim before he posts it, but i wasn’t sure if that would be allowed.

      Regarding the double quotes around “bright future”… it was my way of emphasising it as being something quoted repeated by other people in general. It was supposed to allude that “bright future” is something she had heard over and over from others. Perhaps her parents? her teachers?
      If you think that the quotes still don’t work for what i had intedned, i’d be happy to remove them. Grammar is not my forte! 8}

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