4 thoughts on “PATRICK YU: Four Magical Strings

  1. Hi all
    First off thanks Tim for such a great site, as a novice writer I am a little reluctant to use the comment option.
    I have enjoyed reading the talented writings of many authors here. I would enjoy criticism, open both barrels :) without it my words can’t grow. And to any authors here if you would like a novice critique just say hello.

    Patrick

    1. Hi Patrick. I was scrolling though the poetry today and I happened across your work, and recognized your name from your recent comment on mine. I saw also your request for feedback, so wanted to say, first, good for you for trying, and for being open to whatever critique might come your way. As for feedback, I know how hard that is to get, so I thought I’d pass on a couple general things I’ve heard and found useful:

      One, from poet Marie Howe: Beware of adjectives. Sometimes, she says, they only add flowery distraction. (e.g. people might tend to say, “blue sky” or “beautiful blue sky,” But you could save the adj for when the color is NOT what we’d assume). In my opinion, if someone is at 49 words, they shouldn’t necessarily try for 50 by pulling out an adj that adds no relevant content. Instead, there might be another way to add that word and also deepen meaning. Or (if you are willing) forgo the submission to this particular website where word-count is so important.

      Second, careful of rhythm – find your balance between too much sing-song, and too little. (Might be a different balance for each different poem). If all but a few lines have a given rhythm, then those that don’t stand out, make a “bump” for the reader. ( In the above poem, the middle stanza stopped me a bit.) This balance is something that I am still working at, all the time. It’s not easy! And finally, if you haven’t already done so, check out The Writer’s Almanac, which will send you a daily poem written in straight-forward style.
      Hope this is useful. Good luck, and keep at it. Jennifer

      1. Thanks Jennifer, my mistake here Is posting lyrics and then smudging it with a few words, to meet the 50 word criteria, in the end what I wrote is not a poem, I will discard that and post in a true 50 format in the future.
        Thanks again Patrick

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