He watched her leave; quietly, impassively, resolutely.
She closed the car door and sighed.
She glanced over her shoulder, then glided into the traffic.
She didn’t look back.
He watched the car disappear round the corner, retreated inside, and gently pulled the door.
This is the way the world ends.
Joan is an educator in Australia.
Powerful and SAD
Hope that the protagonist was not Joan.
JT
Yes, it is a sad piece. It paints a full picture.
If there was one line of dialogue, I wonder what it would have been? Are you familliar with the term, ‘L’Esprit Des Escalier’? (It is when you think of the perfect remark to make but the moment has passed) I would love to hear what you (or he) would have said…
Thank you for this comment – yes, I am familiar with the term ( and, unfortunately, often experience it!) I actually don’t know what that perfect line of dialogue would be. What would you suggest?
I would not presume…
perhaps? ‘When did we say, Goodbye?’
You deserved to win with your piece. It is excellent. I’ll be looking for your next entry.
(former Pommy Educator)
Thank you. I am teaching my students about “show, don’t tell” so thought I would try to write an example myself.
Wow!
I didn’t see this story when it was first posted so I’m thankful it was chosen as Story of the Month for a very selfish reason! What a beautiful example of “Show, don’t tell”. It’s a great teaching/learning tool … thank you … and thank you also for a beautifully written story!
I didn’t see this story when it was posted so I’m thankful it was chosen as story of the month for a very selfish reason. It’s a great example of “show don’t tell” and a very good writing lesson. Thank you for that and also for a beautifully written story.