Mother’s in a red nightgown, red’s the color on my tongue, stained from cherry lollipops.
“Take meds!” grandmother begged, but mother tossed them, played piano, melodies rising-rising with dirty hair, a broken mind.
I thought I’d save her, in my princess nightgown, feet slapping around on linoleum, chasing her ghosts.
Angela Carlton’s fiction has been published in Every Writer, Everyday Fiction, 6S, 50 Word Stories, Spillwords Press, and Paragraph Planet. In 2018, her story “The Roommates,” was made into a short film. In 2023, her story “Swallowed,” was nominated for the Pushcart Prize. See more at Angela Carlton Stories & Art.
Yep! Sounds right.
Reminds me of one of the Hopper paintings.
Your imagery is always the best! I can see the story playing out in my mind and the desire of the young child to save her mother from her illusive thoughts! Well done!
Agree with Dana! Great story.
What a picture you’ve painted with just 50 words.
…feet slapping around on linoleum, chasing her ghosts.”
Loved it
Jim
Very good! You can feel the emotions of the little girl trying to save her Mom.
I enjoyed the first line so much. It was amazing the way you used color to create an instant image. Then you used the grandmother to show she had mental illness. Then you tied it together by bringing in the child again trying to save her. The child had on a princess nightgown which created a savior image. To bring her down to earth she had feet slapping on the linoleum. Red and the princess nightgown made the story grip the emotions. This is what makes a story go from good to great.
A lot packed into a little!
Good story
Great story Angela. I always enjoy your descriptions!
Love all your stories Angela! A child’s love and wish to save her mother.
Love this Angela. You are so gifted.