50-Word Stories

“Yo, man. I thought Randy carried this song. You got a great low-end range there, dog.

“But Paula, you were pretty pitchy, and Simon, honestly, work on your rhythm. You missed, like, half your cues!”

“Wow!” said Ryan Seacrest. “This is exactly why we’re doing American Idol: Judge the Judges!”

“Now I know my ABCs,” crooned the little girl, “next time won’t you sing with me?”

“Awesome!” said Paula Abdul. “You’re going to Vegas!”

“But I wan’ go home!”

“No.”

“Isn’t this exciting, folks?” enthused Ryan Seacrest. “Little Kimmy’s going to be our next finalist on American Idol: Toddler Edition!”

“I posit that the egregious offence committed by the defendant was an act of premeditated hostiliaminity!” shouted the Loopy Lawyer.

“I object!” cried the Batty Barrister. “My client pleads insanity! He thinks he’s a creaky shovel. Look at his fez! This marriage is clearly illegaloramious.”

“Sustained,” said the Jovial Judge.

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The title for this story was suggested by ThePhailhaus. I was forced to use the words egregious, creaky, fez, and shovel. Ergo, the silliness of this story is all everyone else’s fault.

Evan Edgelow punched Timothy Thicke in the face. Hard. “TELL ME WHAT I NEED TO KNOW!” he screamed.

“I don’t know anything!” choked Thicke.

“Just tell me and I’ll stop!” shouted Edgelow. “You have my word!”

“I didn’t take your candy bar!”

“Oh, it’s in my pocket,” said Edgelow. “Sorry.”

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The only difference between this torture scene and any given torture scene in 24 is… Well, nothing, really. Marginal justification? Check. Personal relationship or history with the victim? Check. Unrealistic success rate? Check.

Dr. Snyder was a proud papa: his android, A.L.Y.S., was leaving the lab to join human society.

To him, she was the most amazing thing he had ever created.

He tearfully sent her on her way, only to watch her stop ten feet later to talk to a parking meter.

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This is the seventh in a series of seven stories from King Kool, who has previously contributed the Bumbling Magician and Kissing Frog series.

A.L.Y.S. was very eager to receive her latest improvement, the capacity to understand taste and flavor. She would not gain nutrients, but she could improve her assimilation into human society.

Unfortunately, the three-course meal Dr. Snyder cooked her went cold as she gleefully refused to stop tasting her empty spoon.

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This is the sixth in a series of seven stories from King Kool, who has previously contributed the Bumbling Magician and Kissing Frog series.

“I found these,” A.L.Y.S. the android told Dr. Snyder, holding two gel-filled orbs. “I assume these are posterior pads. It would be nice to have something softer to sit on than titanium.”

Dr. Snyder removed his glasses and softly cleared his throat. “Actually, those orbs won’t be positioned behind you.”

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This is the fifth in a series of seven stories from King Kool, who has previously contributed the Bumbling Magician and Kissing Frog series.

A.L.Y.S. the android hated the alteration in her appearance.

Sometimes, Dr. Snyder would alter her structure to make her more powerful or efficient. This time it was her own decision.

She looked woefully into the mirror, and Dr. Snyder shook his head. “I told you your hair wouldn’t grow back.”

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This is the fourth in a series of seven stories from King Kool, who has previously contributed the Bumbling Magician and Kissing Frog series.

A.L.Y.S. the android had run out of heavy things to lift in the laboratory.

“Why must you do this?” asked Dr. Snyder, her creator.

A.L.Y.S shrugged. “I now know how much everything weighs, except for one thing.”

“What’s that?” he asked.

A.L.Y.S grabbed him and hoisted him one-handed. “Seventy kilograms.”

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This is the third in a series of seven stories from King Kool, who has previously contributed the Bumbling Magician and Kissing Frog series.

Dr. Snyder disapproved of A.L.Y.S.’ current choice in wardrobe, but he allowed the android to wear the green bikini when appropriate. All her time at the beach was spent lying statue still on a beach towel. She was disappointed, but Dr. Snyder insisted it was impossible for her to tan.

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This is the second in a series of seven stories from King Kool, who has previously contributed the Bumbling Magician and Kissing Frog series.