A.L.Y.S. the android had run out of heavy things to lift in the laboratory.
“Why must you do this?” asked Dr. Snyder, her creator.
A.L.Y.S shrugged. “I now know how much everything weighs, except for one thing.”
“What’s that?” he asked.
A.L.Y.S grabbed him and hoisted him one-handed. “Seventy kilograms.”
Dr. Snyder disapproved of A.L.Y.S.’ current choice in wardrobe, but he allowed the android to wear the green bikini when appropriate. All her time at the beach was spent lying statue still on a beach towel. She was disappointed, but Dr. Snyder insisted it was impossible for her to tan.
A.L.Y.S. the android had just punched a hole in the front door while practicing the human tradition of knocking.
“Next time,” Dr. Snyder, her creator, scolded through the door, “just use the doorbell!”
Unperturbed, A.L.Y.S. noticed the tiny white button and punched it, creating a hole in the door frame.
A bard stumbled upon a talking frog.
“Kiss me, and I shall become a princess and be your wife.”
The bard picked the frog up and kissed her. She transformed into an elderly woman, still dressed like a princess.
“Wow… I guess I’ve been out here longer than I thought.”
A knave found a frog.
“Kiss me; I’ll become a beautiful princess and wed you.”
He did, and the frog transformed into a princess, while the knave into a frog.
“I’m sorry! I didn’t know that would happen.”
“That’s OK. Bring me into town; get someone else to kiss me.”
An explorer found a frog sitting on a rock.
“Kiss me, traveler,” the frog said, “and I shall become a beautiful princess and be your wife.”
The explorer laughed. “What rubbish. You wish to make me look foolish!”
“Ok, I lied,” the frog said. “Can’t talking frogs be lonely, too?”
A friar discovered a talking frog.
“Kiss me and I’ll become a beautiful princess and be your wife.”
The friar complied and the frog became a beautiful princess before his eyes.
They returned to his home. “Let us celebrate. What would you like to dine on?”
The princess responded, “Flies.”
A knight discovered a talking frog.
“Kiss me, and I’ll become a beautiful princess and be your wife.”
The knight immediately complied and the frog transformed into a woman of average pulchritude. “I’m sorry for lying,” she said, “but you’d never have kissed me if I said I was plain.”
A squire found a talking frog.
“Kiss me and I’ll become a beautiful princess and be your wife.”
The squire did so and the frog transformed into a princess, just as promised. The pair went into town to wed. The ceremony was interrupted when they kissed and she changed back.
A starving peasant found a frog. “Kiss me, and I’ll become a beautiful princess and be your wife.”
The peasant obeyed and she transformed into a princess. “Now I’ll have plenty to eat,” he said.
“I can’t cook,” the princess confessed.
“If that’s true, then I’ll just have you raw.”