BRUCE RYTEL: The Hero’s Love Interest

Amusing, Submissions, , , ,

She was charming, witty, intelligent, and beautiful. I had to ask her out.

“I’m sorry, but I couldn’t do that.”

“Ah. Boyfriend?”

“It’s not that. I’m an NPC. I’m not programmed to move from this spot.”

I paused, stunned. “Oh. That’s terrible.”

She nodded slowly. “I really have to pee.”

Soon to be a student of culinary arts and therefore thrilled that he can call himself an “art student” and act pretentious on a technicality, Bruce Rytel’s hobbies include writing, gaming, and going by a pseudonym. You can read some of his other works of microfiction at The Brevity Cannon.

Editor’s note: An NPC, or non-player character, is a computer-controlled character in a video game.

The Mists Upon the Foggy Cove Were Roiling Like the Mantigroves

Odd, ,

It was a dark and stormy night.

Good thing I’d brought my flashlight and umbrella. Man do I hate being wet. It’s pretty much the worst. I’d rather be sunburned a hundred times than have to go slogging through the rain. At least it’s warm.

Nothing interesting happened that night.

It’s, like, a character study or something. The fact that this story has no plot makes it super artistic. Trust me. Besides, look at that title. You just know something like that is packed with meaning.

Disillusionment and Llamas

Amusing, Puns and Wordplay, , ,

“Why aren’t the llamas spitting?” pouted Rosie.

“Well they don’t spit all the time, honey,” explained Dad.

“But I wanna see ’em spit!”

“Sorry, dear,” said Dad. “Maybe next time.”

But the damage was done. It would take little Rosie twenty-three years to overcome today’s shattering of her expectoration expectations.

This story was based on a suggestion from @MisterFiendZero, who sent in the title as a story prompt via Twitter.

Ta-Da!

Amusing, , , ,

“Watch closely, folks! I’m about to make this volunteer completely disappear!”

It happened with a flash and a bang. The volunteer was nowhere to be seen.

After the show, the magician found the volunteer under the stage. As planned, the fireworks had perfectly disguised the gunshot.

This never got old.

This story was based on a suggestion from @danzama.

At Her Bungalow in South Dorset

Artistic, Odd, , , , ,

She’d forgotten where it came from. Maybe she’d won it in a game of bingo that time she went to Paris…

Now and then it made funny noises when she went down the steps.

It seemed so content, sitting there under her front porch. Her very own happy little universe.

This story was based on this prompt from @Haberley.

 

DON CRAWFORD: Very Last Anniversary Gift

Amusing, Submissions, , , , , ,

Husband arrives home having forgotten a significant anniversary.

Wife greets him, expecting dinner, flowers, cards, anything.

Husband apologizes, profusely. Wife demands recompense: “Something in the driveway tomorrow that goes zero to 215 fast.”

Next morning she discovers a small flat package. Imagine her surprise at a new set of bathroom scales!

Don Crawford was told this story by a Wendy’s employee and decided to convert it to 50 words and relay it to all of you!

Subspecies

Odd, , , ,

“Did you know there’s a species of cow that has four bladders?”

“Where did you read that?”

“International Bovinarium Magazine. Also, they can hold their breath underwater for three hours, and their flesh tastes like boiled daffodils. It’s true!”

“Whatever, man.”

The Oft-Whizzing Cow-Whale: a true treasure of Mother Nature.

Sneak Attack

Amusing, Odd, ,

“Hey!” someone shouted from behind her.

Mary turned to look. An elderly gentleman was rubbing his throat confusedly.

“Ow!” cried someone else, rubbing the back of their head.

A hand suddenly covered her eyes; a pen was at her throat. “Gotcha, honey.”

Having a commando for a husband was… exciting?

This and That, Here and There

Odd, , , , ,

Welcome to This Country! proclaimed the sign.

“Why does it say ‘This Country,’ Dad?” asked Emma. “I thought we were going to That Country.”

“We were,” said her dad. “And now we’ve arrived. Isn’t This Country so much prettier than There?”

“I thought we just came from Here…”

“We did.”

English is fun!

ADAM GIANFORCARO: The Burial

Submissions, Touching, , , , ,

One shot is all it takes. He is dead.

Her blouse is wet with blood. Her cigarette rests between her swollen lips as she drags him through the dead leaves with a shovel in hand. She doesn’t cry until she drops his limp body in the hole.

His collar jingles.

Adam is a student at Rowan University and plans on graduating in December 2010. He is an avid writer, concentrating on contemporary adult fiction and concrete poetry. He is currently working on a collection of selected poems, revising and perfecting the prose. His website is adamgpoetry.tumblr.com.