She was charming, witty, intelligent, and beautiful. I had to ask her out.

“I’m sorry, but I couldn’t do that.”

“Ah. Boyfriend?”

“It’s not that. I’m an NPC. I’m not programmed to move from this spot.”

I paused, stunned. “Oh. That’s terrible.”

She nodded slowly. “I really have to pee.”

Soon to be a student of culinary arts and therefore thrilled that he can call himself an “art student” and act pretentious on a technicality, Bruce Rytel’s hobbies include writing, gaming, and going by a pseudonym. You can read some of his other works of microfiction at The Brevity Cannon.

Editor’s note: An NPC, or non-player character, is a computer-controlled character in a video game.