“What happened to you, Hank? You’re soaking wet.”
“I got caught in a flash flood.”
“In the middle of a dry spell on a sunny day?”
“Yep. I was in Wilson’s furniture store when a cowboy came in shopping for a waterbed. He plum forgot to take off his spurs.”
John H. Dromey has had short fiction published in Alfred Hitchcock’s Mystery Magazine, Betty Fedora, Stupefying Stories Showcase, and elsewhere.
“Your poor, dying husband told you he just wanted some tomato juice.”
“Yes. Elmer loves tomato juice.”
“You went to buy him some. Where is it?”
“All they had were quarts. He won’t live to drink that much.”
“You didn’t get it?”
“You know that I don’t like tomato juice…”
Allen Lang, a member of Science Fiction Writers of America, is an accomplished time-traveler, having reached today from Year 1928. His stories appeared in all of the pulps of the past.
Sarah donned her sunglasses and meanest look.
As she rode the bus into town, she checked her bag. Knife, gun, capsicum spray—everything was ready.
Six hours later, she headed home. Her glasses were broken, her weapons lay at the bottom of the canal, but she wore a satisfied smile.
Mark Farley eats ice cream with a teaspoon. He once got run over by a horse.
She exhales into a brand new year, fresh and vibrant. Each beat of her heart expels any niggling suspicions of staleness. The morning rays flicker through, brightening the room, and she feels the picture’s complete, till hubby shatters it with shards of routine: “Morning, Love. Fancy a cup of tea?”
Connell is reassured that the more things change, the more they stay the same.
The story of the week for December 28 to January 1 is…
New Year’s Resolution by Mary Steer
It’s always nice to start off a new year with a bit of humour!
“Made of rosewood, padauk, or simple plastic, resounding with two octaves or many, and whatever mallet pleases you, but xylophones remain just that: quivering fountains of life.”
“I can’t play,” she told her lover.
“You’ll learn, for me.” The music-breathing alien placed her hand on the idiophones, and smiled.
Russell Hemmell is an alien from Mintaka snuggled into a (consenting) human host. He’s had fiction published in PerihelionSF, Strangelet Journal, Vine Leaf Literary Journal, and elsewhere.
The ninja kicks in a door, slays bad guys, kicks in a second, slays a few more.
Inside door three, it’s a room full of cats, a circus clown who smiles, honks a horn.
The ninja turns around slowly, removes his mask and says, “I gotta go back to school.”
Michael Marino hails from Santa Barbara, CA and received his MFA in Creative Writing – Fiction from Antioch University, Los Angeles. His short fiction has appeared in the Flint Hills Review and he has contributed as editor to Lunch Ticket, AULA’s literary journal.
Four guys walk into a bar.
One orders a glass of Christianity, another takes a shot of Judaism, one requests an Islam cocktail, and another asks for an Atheism on the rocks.
Remembering the brawl that occurred last time, the men decide to pace themselves, and enjoy a wonderful evening.
David Gregory is a marketing pro from Washington D.C. who enjoys humor fiction. He’s currently editing his first novel, and hopes you check out his humor flash fiction website FunnyInFiveHundred.com.
Do everything differently from last year.
Say “yes” when you would’ve said “no” and “no” when you would’ve said “yes”. Refuse to take “no” for an answer. Take risks. Be daring and bold. Socialize. Date. Accept invitations.
If it doesn’t work, then next year: Do everything differently from last year.
Mary Steer is a word nerd living west of Toronto, where she works and reworks stories from life and imagination. Her short stories have appeared or are forthcoming in Green’s Magazine, The Halcyon Reader, Quick Brown Fox and CommuterLit. When she’s not writing or editing, she likes to dabble in physics (knitting) and chemistry (baking).
I picked my son up.
As I drove home, I peered at him. He looked like my son but he smelled different, talked different, and his smile was so wrong.
As we sat at traffic lights, I received a text: Dad, where are you?
That was how the world ended.
Steve Coverdale is an Englishman living in Nova Scotia. He keeps trying to write short stories with a happy ending but keeps on getting dragged back to the dark side.