Tag Archives: funny

MOUSTACHE MEMOIRS WINNER: Joey To – The Useless Suspects

Five men lined up, all with greasy moustaches and wearing dark blue shirts.

I scanned. Not him. No… No…

I turned to the sergeant beside me. “The last two are identical twins. How am I supposed to tell?”

He shrugged… But then I noticed the thin cuts below his nose.


Joey has never participated in a police line-up. Instead, he prefers to line up some potatoes, peel them one by one, cook them, and then eat them. And he also tries to write a little.

Editor: Joey is the winner of the Moustache Memoirs contest and the $15 Amazon gift card! His story also wins this week’s Story of the Week.

MOUSTACHE MEMOIRS WINNER: Joey To – The Useless Suspects 4.23/5 - 13 votes

MOUSTACHE MEMOIRS: Connell Wayne Regner – ‘B’ Company’s Movember Pledge

“Private Robertson!”

“Yes sir!”

“Where’s your moustache?”

“It’s under my nose, sir!”

“I can’t see it.”

“Maybe you’re not looking hard enough, sir!”

“I won’t have insolence or insubordination!”

Robertson brazenly drinks some of the captain’s milk, “Here sir!”

Dismissed, Robertson!!”

Sporting the unit’s best ever (milk) moustache, Sally leaves.


Connell believes that it doesn’t matter if you are male or female: if you’ve got it, flaunt it. Read more of his fractured words right here at 50WS or at paragraphplanet, home.wtd-magazine.com, and postcardshorts.com.

MOUSTACHE MEMOIRS: Connell Wayne Regner – ‘B’ Company’s Movember Pledge 3.92/5 - 12 votes

MOUSTACHE MEMOIRS: Sophia Netterfield – Moustache

His perfectly groomed mustache announced that he was a true gentleman. And gentlemen stayed awake past sunset to enjoy the quiet, finer hours of life.

He tugged at the lady’s arm, demanding her attention to convey this fact.

His mother looked down and startled. “Get that worm off your face!”


Sophia Netterfield is a first-year university student studying psychology because brains are bizarre.

MOUSTACHE MEMOIRS: Sophia Netterfield – Moustache 3.67/5 - 15 votes

MOUSTACHE MEMOIRS: Jim Purdy – Short Flaxen Waxen

She didn’t walk, she glided to the far end of the bar. She had a body most women would kill for, plus flowing blonde hair, aquamarine eyes, high cheekbones, and a dazzling smile.

Moving closer, it became clear to me that she was a natural blonde: her moustache revealed it!


Jim Purdy is a retired engineering manager who lives in Oregon and spends his day with his faithful dog who never gives him disparagement.  She wags her tail as he reads her whatever he has just written.

MOUSTACHE MEMOIRS: Jim Purdy – Short Flaxen Waxen 4.08/5 - 12 votes

MOUSTACHE MEMOIRS: Krystyna Fedosejevs – For a Worthy Cause

“Have you decided on a style?” the man asked, donning an apron.

“Curved upwards. Similar to mine but without thinned ends.”

The snipping started. Grey facial hairs landed all about.

The client looked at his freshly trimmed terrier and sighed approvingly. “Perfect. Now our moustaches match, aligning Woofember with Movember.”


Krystyna writes poetry, fiction, and creative nonfiction. Her published works can be found online and in magazines and anthologies.

MOUSTACHE MEMOIRS: Krystyna Fedosejevs – For a Worthy Cause 3.46/5 - 13 votes

MOUSTACHE MEMOIRS: Garett Pierce – Sandwich

I walked in to get a delicious sub sandwich. Behind the counter was a person who had a beautiful black moustache that could have been waxed and morphed like Salvador Dali.

I got my usual. I purchased my food. I glanced at the name tag of the sandwich engineer:

Becky


Garrett Pierce is a fun person who play a total of eight instruments.

MOUSTACHE MEMOIRS: Garett Pierce – Sandwich 3.00/5 - 30 votes

MOUSTACHE MEMOIRS: Landon Fatino – Death of a Friend

A nightmare, a horrible, disgusting nightmare. It must be.

The idea of killing his adored companion, his partner, terrified him.

But he did.

Placing the razor on the counter, heart pounding, sweat dripping; the deed was done.

His top lip felt cold, naked.

Maybe the Mrs. would finally be happy.


Landon Fatino is a 12-year-old who enjoys baseball, theater, and other sports and activities. He is very funny and likes to make people laugh.

MOUSTACHE MEMOIRS: Landon Fatino – Death of a Friend 3.35/5 - 20 votes

MOUSTACHE MEMOIRS: Connell Wayne Regner – The Prowess of the Sexy Moustache

“What happened to your moustache?”

“It just got up and left.”

“What kind of crazy talk is that?”

“Look, all I’m saying is when push came to shove it got pretty hairy. I told her to choose between me and my moustache, and go figure, she chose the moustache.”

“Rrright…”


Connell acknowledges the sex appeal of the moustache in the 1970s and has dared to answer the question, “What if….?” in this disturbing and dubious tale of hairy proportions. Connell has requested that comments, if any, be kept as cheesy as possible in keeping with the theme.

MOUSTACHE MEMOIRS: Connell Wayne Regner – The Prowess of the Sexy Moustache 3.52/5 - 29 votes

MOUSTACHE MEMOIRS: Peter Li-Ping – Gloop of the Day

This guy in the restaurant had actually drunk straight from his soup bowl, leaving a neat pea-green soup moustache. Rolling up his sleeves to attack the main course, he’d splattered food up to his elbows. Watching him in the mirror, I supposed I really should address his lack of manners.


Peter Li-ping has yet to see an attractive moustache. He feels, however, that they are better than tattoos because they can be shaved off. Except when someone tattoos a moustache on themselves, which is really weird.

MOUSTACHE MEMOIRS: Peter Li-Ping – Gloop of the Day 3.53/5 - 30 votes