Tag Archives: funny

JOCELYNE GREGORY: Jellyfish

Amusing, Odd, Submissions, , , ,

I found a jellyfish washed up on the beach yesterday. It looked like an alien; a strange creature in a strange land. I got a shovel and helped it back into the water. It floated there before waving a tentacle and swam away. How strange to see one on Mars.

Jocelyne Gregory is an MFA creative writing student at the University of British Columbia. She is a graduate of Simon Fraser University’s The Writer’s Studio. She also reviews children’s books and graphic novels. She lives on the Sunshine Coast of British Columbia, Canada.

BOB THURBER: Pickled Eggs, Bad Whisky, and Grave Humor

Amusing, Submissions, , ,

A bartender walks into a joke.

“What’ll you have,” says the angel of death.

The bartender recognizes the line from a lifetime of jokes.

He slides a silver punchline into the chamber.

The blast reverberates, echoing hoots and dismissive laughter, but he’s on the wrong side of things this time.

Bob Thurber is the author of “Paperboy: A Dysfunctional Novel” and four collections of short fiction. Regarded as a master of Flash and Micro Fiction, his work has appeared in Esquire and other magazines, been anthologized 60 times, received a long list of of awards, and been utilized in schools and colleges throughout the world. He resides in Massachusetts. Visit his website at BobThurber.net.

PAUL HOCK: Gastogne’s Last Review

Amusing, Submissions, , , ,

Wild Edibles Cafe. We’ll see if they’ve improved.

Meadow Salad: two-stars, fresh but terrible dressing
Venison: one-star, overcooked
Wild Mushrooms: five-stars, delicate, flavourful, delicious
Wine: two-star, bland
Dessert: one-star, horrible

Gastogne’s last review was under his obituary.

The restaurant owner reflected as he read. Ironic that he loved the mushrooms.

Paul Hock is an author, songwriter, and storyteller from Ontario, Canada. See more at paulhockpublishing.com.

CONNELL WAYNE REGNER: The Coronavirus (COVID-19)

Amusing, Submissions, , , ,

At the supermarket the toilet paper was out. Shelves were bare. I got home and the news was suggesting that the toilet paper hoarders were using it to protect themselves.

It suddenly occurred to me that there was no need to worry about a zombie apocalypse amidst a mummy one.

Connell apologises for writing a non-fiction story on a fiction site.

JOHN M FLOYD: Mom’s the Word

Amusing, Submissions, , ,

“A 50-word story? Impossible.”

“You’re wrong.”

“Try it.”

“Okay: Honey, I’m pregnant.”

“What?”

“Just kidding.”

“Not funny.”

“How about: I’m pregnant, and it’s not yours.”

“What!?”

“Kidding again. How many words, so far?”

“34.”

“Let’s stop. I’m hungry.”

“For what?”

“Pickles.”

“Pickles?”

“How many words now?”

“47.”

“And ice cream.”

John M. Floyd’s work has appeared in more than 250 different publications, including Alfred Hitchcock’s Mystery Magazine, Ellery Queen’s Mystery Magazine, Strand Magazine, The Saturday Evening Post, and the 2015, 2018, and (upcoming) 2020 editions of Best American Mystery Stories. A former Air Force captain and IBM systems engineer, John is also a three-time Derringer Award winner, an Edgar Award nominee, a recipient of the Short Mystery Fiction Society’s lifetime achievement award, and the author of eight books.

JANET KOOPS: The Gist

Amusing, Puns and Wordplay, Submissions, , , ,

Introduced by a mixologist, Stan was a zoologist, Evie a geologist. They lived in a metropolis, were happily monogamous, their lives never monotonous. Then Evie saw a gynecologist, who sent her to a virologist.

Stan wasn’t a monogamist.

Evie thought him the rottenest. He’s at the ER with a proctologist.

Originally from Toronto, Janet Koops now calls Bend, Oregon home. When she is not sitting at her computer, she is exploring the high desert with her husky.

MICHAEL AUGUSTINE DONDERO: Nail in the Coffin

Adventure, Amusing, Puns and Wordplay, Submissions, , ,

The evidence was already heavily against me. The ring—that item meant to solve my problems—found in my possession. Tire tracks in the mud. The dirty shovel in my car.

But what really convinced the jury in the grave robbing case was DNA proof. My nail in the coffin.

Michael Augustine Dondero is a Brooklyn-based writer. Read more on his website, augustinedondero.com. He’s also the co-creator of the horror/sci-fi podcast “Lost Signal Society.” Tune in at lostsignalsociety.com.

BEC LEWIS: Wrong Room

Amusing, Odd, Submissions, Top Stories, ,

I was making notes when the doom opened. A strangler entered.

“Have a seaweed,” the leader said. “We’re all frenzied here.”

After listing to us, the strangler spoke. “Er…”

“Yesterday?”

“I wanted Fantasy Language Class. I’m Dave, by the way.”

“Hello Dave,” the Auto Correct Fan Club chorused in unicorn.

Bec Lewis lives in Kent, England, and likes short stories, micro-fiction, and chocolate. See more at beclewisfiction.com.

CHAD BUNCH: Jude

Adventure, Amusing, Submissions, , , , ,

One of the strongest of his kind, Jude was one of only a few left. He had resorted to means of survival he’d never even considered centuries before.

But the humans weren’t the only race to ignore the dangers of climate change. Now the vampires were nearly out of food.

Chad Bunch writes speculative fiction from the suburbs of Saint Louis. He is going to publish a novel this year if it kills him! You can find some his other nonsense at diaryofmadness6719293.wordpress.com

NATALIE REILLY-JOHNSON: Seven Sinful Deaths

Amusing, Submissions, ,

The volcano erupted.
Pride took selfies in front of it.
Envy copied but got fewer “likes,” so she jumped in.
Gluttony ate on, lava lapping at the door.
Lust opened Grinder for a final fling.
Anger raged against Volcanologists on Twitter.
Greed robbed empty homes.
Sloth couldn’t get an Über.

Natalie is a Clinical Psychologist and aspiring writer in Wales, UK.