Tag Archives: funny

LINDA VIGEN PHILLIPS: The Lion and the Lamb

Amusing, Artistic, Submissions, , , ,

When the lion emerged from the quarantine, he sidled up next to the lamb.

They had lunch together.

This happened before its time, contrary to Messianic prognostications.

Some say it was a hoax.
Some say it was a miracle.
Some say the vaccine.

Hard to know the truth these days.

Linda Vigen Phillips’ poems have appeared in The Texas Review, California Quarterly, NC Poetry Society Award Winning Poems 2001, Wellspring, Main Street Rag, Independence Boulevard, and The Whole Idea. She has published two young adult novels in verse: Crazy and Behind These Hands. She lives in Charlotte, NC.

KS DEARSLEY: Who’s a Pretty Boy?

Amusing, Submissions, , ,

David’s Gran smelled of urine and talcum powder, and her parrot always squawked when he visited her. He could not drink Gran’s tea or eat her cake.

“It’ll put hairs on your chest,” she said.

But David is still waiting for the parrot to sprout a fur coat and bark.

K. S. Dearsley’s stories, flash fiction, and poetry have appeared online and in print on both sides of the Atlantic, including in Fifty-Word Stories. Her fantasy novels are available on Amazon and Smashwords. Find out more at ksdearsley.com.

JAMES BURT: Dog-Walking

Adventure, Amusing, Submissions, , , ,

Revenge kept Miss Felpham alive. As she outlived the rivals and tormentors of her youth, she took pleasure in walking her terrier among their graves. It had taken some training, but the dog would now do its business on command.

Each morning, she took her time picking the day’s spot.

James is a writer from Brighton, and is currently working on a book of stories about the South Downs Way.

DAVID HENSON: The Prize

Amusing, Submissions, , , , ,

Life is about winning the prize. He thinks nothing can stop him but always ends up back where he started. Get after it again. Success requires dogged determination, and he has it aplenty.

Again he attains the prize. Again it’s tossed away.

Never give up. Never.

Squeak squeak. “Fetch, Boy.”

David Henson and his wife reside in Peoria, Illinois. His work has has appeared in numerous print and online journals. His website is writings217.wordpress.com. Follow him on Twitter at @annalou8.

JENN LINNING: Plot Hole

Amusing, Submissions, Top Stories, , , ,

Such meticulous planning: poignant prayers, elegant oak casket, extravagant flowers. All ruined.

Overlooking the river from the flower-adorned hill, the plot I picked had guaranteed eternity with a view.

And what did those imbeciles do? Lowered me in backwards. Now I face eternity gazing uphill at my own rotting feet.

Jenn is a former English teacher who has only recently entered the world of writing. She decided to begin with flash fiction and has quickly fallen in love with the crafting of very short stories. Jenn is a Scot based in Manchester, UK.

CHERYL CAESAR: Fate and Folding Laundry

Amusing, Artistic, Submissions, Top Stories, , , ,

We are folding laundry together when my husband holds up a piece of cloth. “What’s this?” he says.

“Just a rag,” I say.

He puts on a little squeaky voice, pretending to be the rag. “I used to be something!” he protests.

“We all did,” I reply.

We fall silent.

Cheryl Caesar lived in Paris, Tuscany and Sligo for 25 years; she earned her doctorate in comparative literature at the Sorbonne and taught literature and phonetics. She now teaches writing at Michigan State University. Last year she published over a hundred poems in the U.S., Germany, India, Bangladesh, Yemen and Zimbabwe, and won third prize in the Singapore Poetry Contest for her poem on global warming. Her chapbook Flatman: Poems of Protest in the Trump Era is now available from Amazon and Goodreads. See more at caesarc.msu.domains.

JOSHUA ADDISON: Superior Animal

Amusing, Artistic, Submissions, , ,

I get home from work. My dog leaps into my arms and I bask in his unconditional love. I think, Dogs are great, but I’m glad I’m a superior animal.

I sit and flip on the TV: racism, rioting, and Tiger King.

I look back at my dog.

Am I?

Joshua Addison resides in the foothills of Appalachia where he attempts to write historical fiction. Occasionally between bouts of writer’s block he attempts to put together something that resembles a micro-fiction.

BILL COX: So Long, and Thanks…

Adventure, Amusing, Submissions, , , ,

The explorers from Earth christened the planet ‘Atlantis’, as its whole surface was covered in water. Fleeing from a world destroyed by mankind’s foolishness, they were overjoyed to find a habitable planet. The giant ship landed on the world-spanning ocean and disgorged its jubilant crew.

The Dolphins were finally home.

Bill lives in Aberdeen, Scotland. Follow his self-absorbed ramblings at northeastnotesblog.wordpress.com.

PONTIUS PAIVA: Tenet

Amusing, Puns and Wordplay, Submissions, , , , ,

The convert secured the offering. “Shouldn’t we be doing this during a lunar eclipse instead?”

The priest pulled a dagger from his robe. “We worship shadows caused by the moon, not the moon itself.”

“I’m not sure that’ll stop people from calling you ‘lunatics,'” muttered the woman on the altar.

Pontius Paiva is a minister of microfiction in service of the short story. Seekers can find him at pontiuspaiva.com.

LISA CHAMBERS: The Other Girl

Amusing, Puns and Wordplay, Submissions, , , ,

It started with surreptitious phone calls. Overheard whispers about holding her… “she’s the one.” How could he?!

Jenna’s heart raced as his car pulled up. Ready to confront, she threw open the door to find him cradling Millie, their new Labrador puppy.

Moral: distrust can be ruff, but fur-giveness heals.

Lisa Chambers is a Texas girl who enjoys writing and appreciates the amazing writers of Fifty-Word Stories.