Tag Archives: crime

Sign Here to Keep Your Children Safe

She knocked on the door, then nocked an arrow.

“Greetings, homeowner,” she said. “Would you like to sign our anti-longbow petition?”

“Uh, sure,” said the citizen. He signed. Then she shot him in the leg.

“Thanks,” she said. “Register your assault charge with the police to help advance our cause!”

Crime Scene Instigators

Today we’ve got too many professional law-upholders sittin’ at home, out of a job. Why? ‘Cause they do their work too well! Nobody treats crime like business anymore. It’s a risk versus reward thing.

That’s why I got a government bank account and a brand-new job description: increase the reward.