Doctors hate them. Historically, one attacked Newton. Snow White actually died! When God himself said ‘steer clear, Kids’, and Adam “forgot”, every man since ended up with one lodged in his throat.

I may be two years old, but I think you’ll find my objection is more than justified, Mother.

Ellis Jamieson is a queer, neurodivergent writer, published in New Writing Scotland, Shoreline of Infinity, Bacopa Literary Review, and more. They’re a Pushcart Prize Nominee, winner of Prose Purple Flash Fiction Award, and were longlisted for the Emerging Writer Award.