This is a fifty-word retelling of JRR Tolkien’s The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers. Don’t read it if you want to avoid spoilers.

That Frodo dude hooked up with a froggy dude called Gollum and made a beeline for the volcano, but they had to fight this big stupid spider, which killed Frodo, except he didn’t actually die.

The wizard dude turned out not to be dead, either, so he went to war.