Tessie tasered Tyler, then taped Tyler’s trap, then… then she just gave up on the idea of teaching the two-timing piece of trash a lesson right there, left him tightly tied up in the trunk, took his thick wallet, and trotted to the mall for the traditional post-breakup shopping spree.

Joey never received a classical education so he doesn’t know Greek or Latin, but a Greek woman did tell him this once: θάλασσα καὶ πῦρ καὶγυνή, κακὰ τρία. Rough translation: “Fear the sea, fire, and women.”