Category Archives: Amusing

DUSTIN PETZOLD: Paternal Instinct

Amusing, Submissions, , ,

The little girl skips into the jewelry store, arms flailing. “We’re gonna buy a necklace! We’re gonna buy a bracelet! We’re gonna buy a tiara!”

Her father looks around. “You Break It, You Buy It,” the sign says. He grimaces.

“We’re gonna not touch anything. That’s what we’re gonna do.”

Dustin Petzold is a recent graduate of George Washington University and a resident of Washington DC. He co-founded Crooked Scoreboard, a blog focused on humor and culture in sports. He thinks this bio should be shorter than the story, so he’s ending it now.

BARRY O’FARRELL: Vampires

Amusing, Submissions, , , ,

I believe in vampires. I never used to but then, one day, I filed for divorce. I saw my wife turn into a blood-sucking member of the undead, right before my eyes.

We have been divorced many years, yet she still phones me to ask for money.

Oh yes, vampires.

Barry O’Farrell had a 950-word sci-fi story published in the December issue of Cyclamens & Swords.

BOB THURBER: Grandiose Copyright Notice

Amusing, Odd, Submissions, ,

All rights reserved. And I mean all.
No part of this text may be read,
browsed, skimmed or glanced upon
without express written consent from the author,
who, quite frankly, is a scamp and a scallywag,
a man willing to dedicate enormous energy
to flushing out careless lawbreakers like you.

Over the years Bob Thurber’s work has received a long list of awards and prizes. His most recent book is a collection of brief stories titled “Nothing But Trouble”. Visit BobThurber.net.

FRANK GALLIVAN: The South Will Dine Again

Amusing, Submissions, , ,

Her great-great-grandfather was governor of North Carolina. Grandmother dressed for a tennis match and eloped, at age sixteen. And Grandfather owned half the gas stations in town.

Now her two dogs sleep on heirloom oriental rugs.

“No more Christmas turkey,” she declared. “We’ll eat barbecue with Granmama’s silver this year.”

Frank Gallivan is a thirty-something South Carolina native and long-time San Francisco resident. He is working on stimulating his creative side and shedding fixed identities.

CAITLIN MCGILL: Tripping

Amusing, Odd, Submissions, Top Stories, , ,

They fed the talking lawn gnome Burger King in the backseat, heads swirling. Half-hour later the radio announced an amber alert—missing two-year-old girl taken while playing in front yard. They stared at the odd being and wondered, isn’t it strange how she ate all those fries? Isn’t it strange?

Caitlin McGill is the 2014 winner of the Rafael Torch Nonfiction Literary Award, and her work has appeared or is forthcoming in 48, Crab Orchard Review, The Cypress Dome, Digital Americana, Prairie Margins, The Southeast Review, Solstice, Sphere International, and Spry Literary Journal. She is also a writing instructor at Emerson College, where her students continually remind her of the power of language.

DEVON R WIDMER: Don’t Forget the Souvenir!

Amusing, Submissions, , , ,

“Crud!” The woman slammed her hand down on the flimsy plastic tray, sloshing her complimentary beverage onto the seatback in front of her.

Her husband glanced up from his SkyMall catalogue. “Something wrong, dear?”

“I forgot to buy a souvenir magnet. Now it’s like we never even went to Hawaii!”

Devon R. Widmer, a graduate student in chemistry, spends far too much time worrying about remembering events and not nearly enough time enjoying them (as evidenced by a refrigerator littered with souvenir magnets).

DEAN MARRINER: Cocklaphobia

Amusing, Submissions, , ,

Inside the girl’s head a fear grew larger.

As she stood waiting she wrestled with it. She fought it. It kept returning.

She glanced at her reflection and liked what she saw. It did suit her, after all.

Inside her head the fear of hats faded and she breathed again.

Dean Marriner is a production director at a design company in Newcastle, UK. He spends his spare time drawing pictures on old books and has only recently started writing mini sagas.

Editor’s Note: Cocklaphobia is the commonly accepted name for a “fear of hats”.

DANIEL SLATEN: A Second Chance

Amusing, Artistic, Submissions, ,

The gunshot preceding the bullet ripping through his brain should have been the last sound Gary ever heard.

“Try again,” said a deep, booming voice.

Gary opened his eyes to blinding light. Almost as soon as he realized he was being born again he forgot everything that had come before.

Daniel Slaten writes short stories in small notebooks and on sticky notes.

ANN SANGWIN: Moustache Misery

Amusing, Submissions, , ,

“I don’t know what all the fuss is about,” she said as he peered again in the mirror. “Everyone grows one soon enough, and then you’ll spend the rest of your life fighting it.”

He stared at the luxuriant growth on his Great Aunt’s upper lip.

Life is so unfair.

Ann Sangwin is a retired teacher, now a career grandmother. She has written all her life but until recently has not thought of submitting for publication. She lives in Kent and is part of a writing group, which has changed her life.

MIGUEL FERNÁNDEZ: A Day to Forget

Amusing, Submissions, ,

Martin had worked hard during the night. He had to deliver his work before 9:00.

It was 7:00, and his cartoon was finished.

He decided to have a coffee before submitting to the paper.

Suddenly, a black cat crossed beside him;
coffee spilled over his work;
the sky turned black.

Miguel Fernández is a cartoonist from Guadalajara, Spain.