Tag Archives: bite

SUMMER STORIES – CRAIG HOLZSCHUH: My Deerest

Runner-Up 2: “Amusing” Category

“I know we are bad for each other, but you add something special to my life I’ve never felt before. Our closeness makes me feel faint. It wounds me that they say we would be better apart.”

“To separate us would kill me.”

“And me as well, my deerest Tick.”


Craig Holzschuh (1973-present) is an American writer. He is best known for amusing stories and an overreliance on spell-check. His pseudonyms pout in jealousy.

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Tough As

“Stop biting your nails!” said Mom.

“Sorry,” mumbled Jackson.

“You’re still doing it!” said Mom.

“Whoops,” mumbled Jackson.

“Honestly, child, you’re hopeless! Am I going to have to take your nails away and put them back in the cupboard?” said Mom. “They’re for hammering, not chewing! You’ll break your teeth!”

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NOGARD 9: I Wanna Be Just Like You

Cliven followed the zombie dragon and the pudgy princess until they finally alighted on a rooftop.

“Nogard!” cried Cliven. “Come down! Please don’t hurt her!”

Nogard shook his head playfully, turned, and very gently nipped Emeldatine on the shoulder.

The princess started to cry.

Then she turned very, very pale.

NOGARD 9: I Wanna Be Just Like You 3.00/5 - 2 votes

DAVE EVES: The Last Bite

A man walked up to me in the park today and asked, “Are you eating that?”

I was confused. I wasn’t eating anything. I turned to him and said, “No.”

He promptly took a large bite out of my upper thigh and walked away.

I wish I had said “Yes.”


This guest story comes from Dave Eves, a soon-to-graduate film student and independent filmmaker.

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