Tag Archives: oh dear

BOB THURBER: The Pretty Personal Assistant

Amusing, Puns and Wordplay, Submissions, , , ,

We had been going at it over a year before my wife found out.

She’s truly a remarkable person: compassionate, bright, dignified, highly restrained.

She said, I believe it’s time we let you-know-who go. I’ll answer your calls, do your bookkeeping, schedule meetings. It’s time I helped manage your affairs.

Over the years Bob Thurber’s work has received a long list of awards and prizes. His most recent book is a collection of brief stories titled “Nothing But Trouble.” His first novel, “Paperboy: A Dysfunctional Novel,” was recently rereleased. Visit BobThurber.net.

ALEXANDRA RENWICK: Killer Details

Amusing, Submissions, , , ,

Target confirmed, advance fee accepted, Robert dresses that night to kill. Black pants, black turtleneck, black greasepaint covering every inch of face and hands. Stealthy, he waits in shrubbery. Hours pass. Lights dim. Robert heeds nature’s call at last.

Sirens erupt: the alarm!

He’d never considered greasepaint below the belt.

Alexandra Renwick’s literary pulp fiction has appeared in Ellery Queen’s & Alfred Hitchcock’s Mystery Magazines, The Exile Book of New Canadian Noir, and Imaginarium: The Best Canadian Speculative Writing. When not inhabiting urban wetlands in Austin, Texas, she can be found curating a crumbling historic manor near downtown Ottawa. More at alexcrenwick.com.

JEFFREY DARTER: Heirloom

Odd, Submissions, , ,

“Lord, a good skillet makes all the difference,” Rhonda whispers, mimicking her grandmother. Bruised, bleeding, and trembling, she raises the cast iron high overhead, and then whops her sleeping husband, crushing his skull.

As blood soaks into the mattress, she understands why her grandma’s wedding gift came with a wink.

Jeffrey Darter is currently at work on his first book. A nature enthusiast and an adventurer, he is also an avid cook, and has an iron skillet of his own. He is single.

WILL RADKE: Morning Glory

Amusing, Submissions, , ,

I came to wearing one sock and with a twenty in my wallet. A reason to celebrate. Roommate was sleeping naked on the cold kitchen floor. I kicked him awake and told him the good news.

Hate to ruin this for you, Roommate said, but that’s not even your sock.

Will Radke is from Oak Park, Illinois. He now lives in Chicago.