It was very important to Monika that she raise her children right. She taught them Kindness, and Hospitality, and Manners, and Decency.
But setting a good example wasn’t always enough, so she sometimes snuck a squirt of dish soap into her baking, just in case they’d been using naughty words.
This story was based on a title suggested by @BRSsexyman.
He poked the box. It giggled.
He shook it. It squeaked.
He pushed it across the table. It burped.
He patted the top of it. It whistled.
He shook his head. Why is it making noises? He stared at it.
“You could just open me, you know,” it muttered moodily.
Laura Graham poses as a fourth-year Japanese student, but mostly uses it as an excuse to wander around Edinburgh in four-inch high heels, confusing friends and strangers alike, and letting her creative side out before it’s shackled to a dead-end job when reality bites. She also likes knitting and tea.
Editor: Also, her bio is exactly fifty words long. Hooray!
“I honestly thought it was a typo,” explained Paul, as he smoothed the rumpled map over the rough planks of the bridge, pointing to the label he had—up until about five minutes ago—assumed to mean “Toll Bridge”.
“Sorry. I can’t read, either,” said the troll, and ate him.
Jeremy Petter is a writer, actor, and editor for LoadingReadyRun, an online sketch comedy troupe with four regular series on The Escapist.
When the doorbell rang, Jeannie was in the shower. Forty-seven seconds, three somersaults, and a double backflip later, she was holding Cobra Pose in the front hallway, her copy of Robertson’s Ultimate Guide to Ninja Home Defense peeking from her bathrobe pocket.
These days, one could never be too careful.
Tally Heilke works with LoadingReadyRun, an online sketch comedy troupe with four regular series on The Escapist, and also maintains a crafting blog and two Etsy stores (Tally’s Treasury and Tally’s Bestiary).
His letter ended: “And so, glorious friend, I hope that my $33 Million will be safe with you. Awaiting your reply.”
He pressed send.
The Nigerian prince sat back in his chair and sighed. Some day, he hoped, he would find someone with whom to share his vast inheritance.
Some day.
Graham Stark is a co-founder of LoadingReadyRun, an online sketch comedy troupe with four regular series on The Escapist.
“Hmmm, haven’t been flossing?” questioned the dentist.
I became increasingly more uncomfortable in the chair as she continued looking at my teeth.
“And you didn’t get her flowers for your anniversary?”
How could she know that? How?
“How… how did you know?”
“I’m your dentist,” she said. “I know everything.”
Justin Boyd draws LeftHandedToons, a fantastic webcomic drawn by right-handed artists with their left hands, along with Drew Mokris. LHT updates every weekday, and is the funniest comic drawn left-handed by right-handers on the internet.
Editor’s Note: I didn’t ask, but I’m assuming he wrote this with his left hand, which just makes it that much awesomer.
I am the Six-Year-Old Batman.
I swore an oath on the grave of my tummy I would rid the kitchen of semi-sweet chips melted in crispy, chewy batter. By day I have a million open-air playdates. By night? I am the bib-caped crusader.
Cookies are a cowardly and superstitious lot.
Woody Tondorf is a writer/director living in Los Angeles. His newest series on Hulu, The Morning After, can be seen in every country that ends in “States of America.” For everyone else, there’s youtube.com/elevatorshow.
The wind blew through the trees as the rain pelted down, streaming off the slate roofs, cascading like four waterfalls into the waterlogged courtyard. Three feet deep, and the living room had started to flood.
Janey looked to Max, the brilliant, infallible architect, and scowled.
“You’re kinda stupid, aren’t you?”
MCM is the creator of the award-winning series “RollBots” as well as the author of many books, including “Typhoon”, “Fission Chips” and “The Vector”, all of which were easier to write than this story. You can read and buy his writing at http://1889.ca.
“Oh no!” cried Granny Gramgrams as she watched the weather channel. “If it rains on Saturday, it’ll completely spoil the holiday picnic!”
“Don’t worry,” Sonny confidently assured her. “With my gigantic turbo fan, I can blow all the clouds away.”
That weekend, Sonny’s fan pushed Earth into an irregular orbit.
This story was based on a title suggested by Larissa Thiessen.
“Welcome to Slogan Loco, where we bring taglines to life!
“Last week, we ‘gave you a break, gave you a break; broke you off a piece of that Kit Kat bar’: each contestant fractured two bones in exchange for chocolate!
“This week, what would you do for a Klondike bar!?”
This was story was based on a title suggested by Jordan Sevenhuysen via Facebook.