Tag Archives: battle

General Coriando and his Amazing Porky Pachyderms

Charging into battle astride a fat, stubborn elephant had never been high on General Coriando’s list of Things To Accomplish In Life. As arrows whizzed past his ears, he lamented, “I could’ve been a baker, or a tailor! I could’ve joined the circus!”

The elephant was thinking the same thing.

The Terminology of War

“You and me, we’re flanking, right?”

“I thought we were the vanguard.”

“What’s a vanguard?”

“The guys at the front, I think.”

“Aren’t those the shock troopers?”

“Only if they’re charging ahead and catching the enemy by surprise.”

“Like a blitzkrieg?”

“Sort of.”

“These water fights have gotten really complicated.”

This story was based on the TypeTrigger prompt “and me.”

Woefully Unprepared

Their sheds and bunkers were overloaded with guns, ammo, rations, reactors, and even entertainment, everything they thought they needed. For five years they had readied themselves for the invaders’ arrival.

The one thing they hadn’t counted on was the aliens’ overwhelming cuteness.

Psychologically incapable of fighting back, they were overrun.

This story is based on a title suggested by David Paye.

Man’s Noble Profession

“You are eighteen, Ahradok. Here is your sword. Come join the fighting men!”

“Father,” said Ahradok, “I wish to remain in the kitchens.”

“Son, men work with drawn swords, not wooden spoons.”

Ahradok honoured his father’s advice, but soon found that a sword is highly impractical for chopping and dicing.

Stick With the Plan

“What are you up to?” muttered Wendel, eyes narrowed.

None of the fifty-seven fuzzy orange caterpillars inching across his driveway offered an explanation.

“I don’t trust you,” said Wendel. Then he stomped one, for emphasis.

Deep underground, the Caterpillar Council murmured grimly. Casualties had always been inevitable in this war.