“You have a gun? That’s crazy! I don’t want that in here!”

“Relax. It’s perfectly safe.”

“But guns are used for shooting things.”

“Yeah, like bad guys. Or moose.”

“But… Wait, what about bears?”

“Sure, I could shoot those.”

“The fewer bears in the world, the better. Get on it!”

This story is dedicated to Kate, who provided the title that inspired it.