The floor of the small, drably painted room was covered in sticky notes. Frantic “To Do” lists were scribbled on them, with frequent duplications and repetitions.
A brilliant man had once lived here.
He’d been obsessive-compulsive. That explained the sticky notes.
The battery-powered light bulb he’d swallowed explained the brilliance.
“‘You saved my life, Ratman! How can I thank you?’ – ‘I didn’t save you so you could thank me, Mr. Cheese. I just wanted to eat you myself!’ – ‘Oh no! Help me, someone!”
“Rusty, stop playing with your food!” snapped mother. “Why can’t you act like we normal mice do?”
“I missed the train again,” whined Alyssa over the phone to Gunther, her unsympathetic pet gorilla.
Gunther said, “Suck it up, princess,” but it was in sign language, so Alyssa didn’t see.
“Thanks for listening, hun,” said Alyssa. “See you tonight!”
As usual, Gunther spent the day plotting his escape.
“My stuff is in the truck already. Where’s yours?”
“I still think this is a colossal waste of time.”
“Look, I don’t make the rules. On Boxing Day we pack stuff, drive it around, and unpack it again. It’s tradition.”
“No, it’s idiotic.”
“Are you calling me stupid?”
“Absolutely yes.”
Just before dusk, the sun crept up to the horizon. He stealthily surveyed the dark but bustling city laid out before him.
The sun sprang forward, dashing across the sky at breakneck speed and vanishing on the other side.
If he was lucky, no one would notice he’d been late.
“This town ain’t big ’nuff fer the two of us,” drawled Brain-dead Bill.
“I’m very sorry,” said his mother to the guests. “Ever since poor Bill was shot in the head he’s been repeating silly lines like that.”
“This town ain’t…”
“Bill, you have to share the Fisher Price toys!”
“Look into my eyes, doctor, and tell me what I want to hear.”
“And what is that, ma’am?”
“That some day I’ll be able to roll around on the floor because I’m laughing so hard at something I’ve seen!”
“Of course! With our prescriptive lenses, you will see lolcats again!”
This story was inspired by a title suggested by @thatryanguy.
Garth banged his shin against the coffee table and swore loudly.
“Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?” said his friend.
“My mother’s dead,” said Garth.
“But if she were alive, would you still kiss her… with… your mouth…”
A few awkward moments passed.
“I probably would,” said Garth.
A bard stumbled upon a talking frog.
“Kiss me, and I shall become a princess and be your wife.”
The bard picked the frog up and kissed her. She transformed into an elderly woman, still dressed like a princess.
“Wow… I guess I’ve been out here longer than I thought.”
This is the seventh, and last, in a week-long series from King Kool.
A knave found a frog.
“Kiss me; I’ll become a beautiful princess and wed you.”
He did, and the frog transformed into a princess, while the knave into a frog.
“I’m sorry! I didn’t know that would happen.”
“That’s OK. Bring me into town; get someone else to kiss me.”
This is the sixth in a week-long series from King Kool.