“Crumpets!”
“What’s wrong?”
“Muffins!”
“Dude, what are you talking about?”
“Biscuits!”
“I, uh… Are you ok?”
“Scones!”
“I usually pronounce it ‘scawns’, myself.”
“Croissants!”
“Hold on, are you just yelling out the names of various baked goods?”
“Cookies!”
“Ok, ok, I think I’m getting the picture.”
“Cupcakes!”
“Danishes!”
“Charcoal!”
“…Huh?”
“Did you know,” droned the lecturer, “that until a few short centuries ago, the human body was made of sixty percent water rather than sixty percent weaponry?”
“Weird,” commented a student, holding up one shotgun arm and flexing his finger-pistols. “Makes you wonder how they survived long enough to evolve.”
Thousands of ducks overwhelmed the streets of North Crundria. The city was in an uproar.
“Ducks!?” cried the frightened, confused masses. “But… Aren’t they extinct?!”
A zoologist stood on his porch. “I warned you all,” he said. “The balance has shifted. And I, for one, welcome our new Duck Overlords.”
This story was inspired by suggestions from @gameking128 (“duck”), @Graham_LRR (“North Crundria”), and @HootieD (“to shift”) via Twitter.
He had the biggest, bushiest, amazingest beard.
People would approach him in restaurants or on the street and ask to take his picture. He was half celebrity, half tourist attraction.
The mayor accused him of using a fake beard, but testing determined that it was real.
The mayor was impeached.
They ran and they ran and they ran.
They ran and they ran and they ran and they ran and they ran and they ran and they ran.
They ran.
They ran and ran.
And then they ran some more.
They ran really, really, really far.
And then they stopped.
Sigmund dove for cover, gunshots ringing in his ears.
“Hello,” said Carl’s ghost.
“Girly scream!” said Sigmund.
“You just killed me,” said Carl’s ghost.
“…Sorry?” squeaked Sigmund.
Carl’s ghost shrugged.
“Blam!” said Carl’s partner’s gun as it shot Sigmund.
“Girly scream!” said Carl’s partner.
“I’m really hungry,” said Carl’s ghost.
She sat on the couch and wished she was in Italy eating sushi with chopsticks. Or in Guam eating steak with a spork. She’d even settle for pizza in the Bahamas, or a spoon and some carrots…
But she was older now, and darn it, she was on a diet!
This story was written with input from @zaro27, @Caelum_Sky, @clayben, and @captainmakr on Twitter, who provided me with some interesting foods, countries, and eating utensils.
“It’s a giant frog!” shouted Cyrus.
“I love frogs!” shouted Mara.
The giant frog gave them both a happy lick, because it loved making new friends.
They took it home and fed it flies and, unlike the ones in my Dungeons and Dragons game, it didn’t try to eat them.
“The sky is falling!” cried Chicken Little. “We must go tell the king!”
The king called for the tallest crane in the kingdom and sent three women up in it with sewing needles and strong thread. They mended the sky and sewed the rips up nice and tight.
The end.
It was time to take off the training wheels…
Literally.
Dad tossed the screwdriver up and down. “You’re sure you’re ready for this?” he grunted.
Terrence crossed his arms, frowned, and nodded emphatically.
Later, in the hospital, Terrence held his dad’s hand.
“Be tough,” said Terrence. “They can fix you.”