Tag Archives: literal

Baggy Trousers

“One last thing, Officer Markham.”

“Yes, Captain?”

“Look out for youths wearing baggy trousers. That’s the mark of the Hooligans’ Club!”

“Yes, sir!” Markham strode off on patrol.

The Captain chuckled. Rookies were so gullible!

He felt differently later, while processing the paperwork for seventeen wrongful arrests of baggy-trousered teenagers.

This story is based on the title suggested by Nicholas Barlow.

Fixed-Term Residential Plan

He lived inside his phone, drifting from app to app and nesting in the dim recesses of the End Call button.

He’d been there since the rotary days. The passing years had drastically reduced his living space.

He had no idea how he’d fit his mattress into a Bluetooth headset.

Correlation Does Not Imply Causation

When he got his Visa bill, his eyes popped out of his skull.

They literally fell right out. We aren’t sure if something on the bill caused it, or if the two events were unrelated. All we know is that his eyeballs ended up on the floor.

It was gross.