Category Archives: Puns and Wordplay

PIRATE WEEK – JOHN H. DROMEY: Alternative Histrionics

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“Blackbeard’s mighty quiet this evening. How’d he lose his voice?”

“He ignored my advice. I told him to record a homemade CD and put the pertinent track on a loop, but he had to do it the old-fashioned way.”

“Do what?”

“Teach his new parrot to squawk like a pirate.”

John H. Dromey has had flash fiction published in a number of print anthologies, as well as online at Liquid Imagination, three minute plastic, Thrillers, Killers ’n’ Chillers, and elsewhere.

This story is a finalist for the Audience Choice Award and the Grand Prize.

PIRATE WEEK – MARC BRINE: 2 π Argh

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“I have found it absolutely essential when finding the areas, diameters, arcs and circumferences of circles,” stated Josh.

“With this in mind, I would like to give 3.14 a score of 9 out of 10.”

Everyone looked at him blankly.

“What?” he asked. “You said it was Pi rate week!”

Marc Brine writes 50 word stories because it’s fun. You can find his stories at in50words-marc.blogspot.com

PIRATE WEEK – CHRIS J. FRIES: Arrrgh, Maybe I Should Join the Union

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Fanghorn Redbeard was exhausted.  It had been a long first week.

Fifty hours of pillaging, plundering, and marauding had been grueling, but finally it was payday.

He took his check from the clerk and winced: $157.08!?!?

He complained and was told, “Sorry: $3.14159265 per hour is the standard Pi-rate wage.”

Chris Fries is a still-developing writer, working to hone his chops.  He is an Engineer by vocation, a guitarist by avocation, and a writer by compulsion.  His writing blog is StratPlayerCJF.blogspot.com.

PIRATE WEEK – CAMERON BOYCE: Xpert Advice

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“The treasure should be buried here.”

“How can you be so certain?”

“X marks the spot!”

“We’ve dug all over, but we can’t find any treasure.”

“Excuse me, what are you doing?”

“We are digging for treasure.”

“That is no excuse for ruining our giant game of tic tac toe.”

Cameron Boyce is a high school student.  He enjoys puns and wordplay though he hasn’t written any stories before.

PIRATE WEEK – JOHN H. DROMEY: Fashion Statement

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After observing a customer talk like a pirate while steadily lowering his voice, so his listener had to lean in really close before being sucker punched, the proprietor of the Thirsty Parrot bar added an extra admonition to the “No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service” sign, namely: “No Arrgh-guile Socks.”

John H. Dromey has had flash fiction published in a number of print anthologies, as well as online at Liquid Imagination, three minute plastic, Thrillers, Killers ’n’ Chillers, and elsewhere.

PIRATE WEEK – CHRIS J. FRIES: I Could Still Win, Ye Scurvy Wench!

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Waiting in line, Fangtooth Redbeard stretched and his hook accidentally poked the plump woman next to him.

“Arrgh, me wench,” he said, “I beseech ye pardon.”

She tightly gripped her Tupperware container and frowned.

“Sir,” she said, “I’m afraid you’re in the wrong place. This is a Pie Rating contest.”

Chris Fries is a still-developing writer, working to hone his chops.  He is an Engineer by vocation, a guitarist by avocation, and a writer by compulsion.  His writing blog is StratPlayerCJF.blogspot.com.

Sick of Being Single

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“I’m sick of being single.”

“Yeah, me too. It’s totally lame. It’s hard to do anything about it though, you know?”

“Well, this is kind of counter-intuitive, but apparently if we don’t want to be single anymore, we have to split.”

“Worth a try. Anything’s better than staying single-celled forever.”

If All the Daisies Were Gone

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“Aren’t the flowers pretty?” I asked my young son during our picnic.

He shrugged noncommittally.

“Oh, come on,” I pressed him. “You can’t really care that little. Imagine how you’d feel if all the daisies disappeared!”

“If all the Daisies were gone,” he said, “all the Donalds would be lonely.”

This story is based on a title suggested by @Fayili.

Math at the Track

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“How did you do at the track meet, Johnny?” said Mom.

“I got one fourth and one second.”

“That’s wonderful, dear!”

Dad said, “Actually, he means he got a quarter of the way around the track, kept going for one more second, and then stopped.”

Johnny glared at Dad. “Spoilsport.”

This story was based on the TypeTrigger prompt “one fourth.”

T(r)oll Bridge

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“Who’s that trip-trapping over my bridge?”

The three billygoats prepared to flee.

“There’s a toll!” said the troll.

“Is that all?” said Mother Goat. “How much is it?”

“An arm and a leg,” said the troll. “Or two legs, in your case.”

Now the goats have to drag themselves everywhere.

This story was based on the TypeTrigger prompt “takes a toll.”